Love over healing
by Lisablackroses
Summary: They met and kissed when she was at her worst. But now, five years later, after a one-night stand they can't escape each other. Will they finally have a shot at a relationship or was it over before it even began? (Lemons will be marked).
1. Love over healing

She was only sixteen when she was diagnosed with cancer. The illness was aggressive and it took away four years of her life. She went in and out of hospitals. Her days marked by pills and chemo´s. The one was making her sick and the other was making her loose her hair.

At the age of eighteen the doctors told her that she probably won't be turning nineteen. The cancer had grown and none of the treatments would help her.

It had made her think a lot of her life and what she wanted to do as long as she could. She finished high school in a couple of months and she learned how to drive. Like that she close a couple of things on her list. But one thing kept bothering her.

She had never kissed anyone before. And she wanted to know how it would be to be hold, to be kissed by a boy.

She had never had the chance to experience love. She had been too busy with school and her friends to take a moment to notice boys. But as the days and weeks passed by and her death would reach her soon she wanted to experience it.

She got hospitalized a couple of weeks before she would turn nineteen. She had already made it further than her doctors thought she would. And about that she was proud. She was a fighter. She had always been and she would be a fighter until the day she would die.

In her time at the hospital she met a hansom resident. A tall Russian man named Dimitri Belikov. As soon as she saw him she knew that she would have loved to fall in love with a guy like Dimitri.

But she lay in bed. Sick, bald and ugly. She would never have a change a loving with someone like Dimitri. Not in the state she was in. Maybe when she wouldn't have been sick she would have a change with him.

She used to be a very pretty girl. She used to have long brown hair, a curved body and she was thin. But with all the chemo and medicine that she had taken during her illness there was nothing left of the beautiful girl she once had been.

He had been there a lot. He wanted to become an oncologist. Wanted to cure those who were fighting against their own body. Most of his patients were old people so he would enjoy spending time with her. He had told her one evening.

His eyes had been sparkling and he had a full smile on his face. That would be something that would make every girl weak in the knees. She knew that when Dimitri smiled that the girl would throw themselves in front of him.

She loved the days that Dimitri was present. He would always come by and talk to her. Even if he would only stop by to say hi to her. It brightened her day.

When the summer was approaching she became sicker and sicker. She would turn nineteen in only three days and everyone was afraid that she wouldn't make it. But she knew she would. She had to. It was her only wish at the moment.

Well, not her only wish. But she was ashamed to ask for the other. Because that had to do with a curtain Russian resident. She wished every night that he would kiss her. It was stupid, she knew that. How could someone so beautiful as him kiss someone as ugly as her.

She spent three days in hell in the hospital. Her parents were too sad to stay for too long. Her friends had stopped with coming by a long time ago. And when her birthday came she even asked her parents to stay home.

But her biggest surprise came that night. The night of her nineteen birthday. Dimitri had told her he would be changing hospitals. How could her birthday be any kind of good as he wasn't there?

As most of the patient turned to sleep and she was watching the nurses walk by, he came along. He stood there tall leaning against the wall. He wore a black suit. His jacket over his arm and the tie loose. It looked hot on him.

He told her that he had drunk a little too much. But he couldn't keep himself from coming by to wish her a happy birthday. Knowing how stupid that sounded. He sat with her on her bed and he hold her hands. It made her lit up.

They talked and he told her about him. About his past and what he wanted in life. She told him how she used to be and what her dreams used to be. It had felt good and it felt like they had been friends for a long time.

It was already past midnight when he told her that he should go. He wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. He told her that he had a weak point for her from the beginning.

And before he left he had asked her if he could do anything for her. Do something for her before he would be gone.

With a hard beating heart she had asked him if he would kiss her. He had laughed at her at first. But then she had told him that she had never kissed anyone before. And that she didn't want to die without being kissed.

He had been silent for minutes before he could even blink and look at her again. But he had come closer again. His hands cupping her cheeks as he bend closer to her. And then for a couple of minutes his lips had met her in a silent kiss.

And it was the best gift she had ever received for her birthday. It made her feel like she could fly. And it had released a spark of hope inside of her. Hope that she would survive the stupid cancer so she could kiss him again.

As soon as their lips had parted he was gone. There hadn't been another between the two of them. But she didn't care. She had been kissed and it was the best thing that ever happened to her.

As a miracle her body became better in the following months. The doctors couldn't find out where her sudden healing came from. But she knew it. It had been him. He had made her better. And she would life to the day that she could thank him for that.

When she turned twenty her body was in full remission. She could finally go further with her life and she would enjoy it. She wanted to become a nurse. Help them who needed it the most. Repaying for they had taken care for her when she couldn't do it herself.

* * *

I had recently turned twenty-five and I had finally received my diploma. I was a nurse from now on. And I was proud. Proud at what I had go through and what I was doing these days.

I had made a couple of friends and lived together with them in one apartment. Lissa, Mia, Jill and Sydney were the friends that made my life so much better. Even with the bickering and discussions we had from time to time.

Lissa was sweet and caring. She had let me in the moment we had met and we were inseparable from that moment. She came from a rich family which she hated. They had wanted for her to become a doctor or something high. But the only thing she wanted was to be a nurse. So she had left her family and we had moved to a small apartment together.

She had met a analyst on one of her internships, Christian. And they were together for a couple of years now. I couldn´t stand Christian some days. But in the end we were just like brother and sister.

In the following years we had met the other girls and decided that it would be the best if we would just go live together. So know we had a bigger apartment where we had room enough for the five of us.

Mia was a year younger than me and we hated each other when we first met. She had been dating an ex of Lissa´s and she had such a bitch about it. But a bar fight and a couple of drinks further we became friends. Mia was a model and she brought a different guy home every weekend. Something we had a lot of fights about.

Jill was like our little sister. She was three years younger and still in school. But I had loved her from the moment we met and she had this cute rambling thing when she was nervous. She was very smart and wanted to be a scientist.

Jill came from a strict family and she was already engaged to her high-school sweetheart Eddie Castile. He was a very nice guy and he felt like a brother to me.

And then we had Sydney. She was our bookworm. She was always carrying books around and studying. She recently got her diploma as an architect and she had started at a big firma. We all thought it was boring but she loved it. And that was enough for us. But we would never stop to tease her about it.

But the thing that surprised us the most about Sydney was when she brought Adrian with her. She announced that he was boyfriend and that we would just shut about it. Very unlike Sydney. And I still couldn't find out what it was about Adrian because he was good for her.

'Rose, bring your ass down here within ten seconds or I will make you regret it.' Lissa screamed from down stairs and it made me smile. She had insisted that we would celebrate that we had our diploma and we had already found work.

I had told her that we could celebrate it another time since we would be starting our new job tomorrow. But she wouldn't listen. So we had dressed up and I was dawdling in my room. Not wanting to go out. I was looking good in my black dress. But every time my eyes travelled over my body I could still see all the scars.

I take a deep breath and walk down the stairs. Knowing that they are waiting for me. All of them. Lissa with Christian, Mia, Jill with Eddie and Sydney with Adrian. They had all found where they were looking for. But I just couldn't find it.

And it was not that I haven't date before. I had and I had a couple of relationships before. But all of them didn't seem right. And I won't admit it in front of my friends, but there was a part of me that still kept dreaming of a certain Russian resident.

'Oh, Rose. You look beautiful.' Lissa says and she hugs me. I smile at her and tell her that she looks beautiful herself. Her eyes lit up and travel back at Christian.

I love Lissa to death. But when she is with Christian she has this thing that she forgets that there are more people around her. I let her go back to Christian and walk in the back of the group next to Mia.

'Maybe we find some hot guys at the club Rose. I can't wait to touch all the hotties there.' She says with a large grin on her face. And I can't help to laugh at her. She is such a flirt. Saying that she doesn't want to bind herself to a man. And who am I to disagree.

We keep discussing what kind of guy we want for tonight until we get to the club. Maybe it would be nice to flirt a little and have that teasing again. Even if it's for just one night. What could happen?

We sit down at a table on the balcony of the club. Down stairs is a large dancefloor and a bar. But here they are serving the drinks at our table. Everything for the owner of this club. Adrian. He wants the best for Sydney and as friends of her we get the best also.

Not that I'm complaining about it. But sometimes I miss the time where we would still be at the dancefloor all night dancing until we couldn't stand anymore. But as the most of our club has relationships things have changed.

'Come on Rose. Let's dance. I already some hot guys down and we have to get a better view.' Mia screams in my ear while she is dragging me down stairs. At these moments I just love her. At these moments it is nice to have another single friend.

'Where are those hot guys Mia?' I ask and she smiles a full smile at me. She gets what I am asking her and I know that it makes her happy. I haven't wanted male attention after my latest relation. It didn't end very well.

'Oh Rose. Finally! But let's go do a make-up check first, okay!' she screams and drags me to the lady's room. We are not even half an hour in this club so our make-up should be fine. But having a model as one of your best friends means that you always have to look good.

'So, what kind of guy do you want Rose? Some big, strong guy. Or a really hot looking one? I have seen a couple of guys in there that are worth giving a chance.' She says while applying some new mascara.

'I think I want to big and strong. That seems more like my type of guy. Then you can have the really hot looking guy.' I say and we both laugh. It have always been like this. I want a strong and big guy and Mia want a men model. It fits.

'Your order, I deliver.' She says and gives me a small kiss on my cheek. We walk out of there and throw ourselves at the dancefloor. We both know well how to dance and get male attention. And it doesn't take very long before Mia is dancing with a hot looking guy.

I leave her and go to the bar to get another drink. I need to loosen up a little first before I can just wrap myself around some guy.

I dance for a while but I can't enjoy myself alone. There are guys enough and some are giving me those looks that are telling me that they want me. But I don't want them.

Back at our table there isn't really anything for me. Christian and Lissa are long gone and I don't even want to know what they are doing. Ugh. And Jill and Eddie are talking and kissing a lot. They didn't even notice me when I got back. And I don't even want to think about Sydney and Adrian. She is sitting on his lap and they could just better go home.

Angry and feeling alone I go back down and even drink more. A lot more. And I know that I will regret it in the morning. But I just can't help it. It sucks to watch your friends having fun when you just can't seem to get any.

After a couple of numbers I feel two strong warm hands on my hips and they feel pleasant. I push myself back towards him and feel his breath on my neck. My hands travel to his neck and I push my ass more towards him.

'Oh, baby. How I've missed you.' His voice sounds in my ear and I freeze in that moment. That voice. It's something that I never wanted to hear again. He chuckles in my ear when he feels me freeze.

I try to get away from his grip but he just tighten it. I put my hands on his hands and try to get them off. But he won't move them. So I do the only thing I can imagine. I push the heel of my shoe in his feet, hard. And I throw my fist back against his nose.

He lets go of me immediately and I spin around. Facing him with a death glare. In front of me is Mason. My latest ex-boyfriend and an asshole. He cheated on me and then he was blaming me. And if that wasn't he enough he stalked me for months until he finally got enough.

'If you won't leave me along, you sick bastard. I will make sure you regret the day that you even met me.' I say with such a venom in my voice that he takes a step back.

Good. Perfect. I don't need him. I don't need any men that think that he can treat me like that. I've been through enough in my life to spend my time on guys that aren't worth it.

I storm back to the bar to get another drink. The guy behind the bar looks at me with a sympathetic look and it can just tell what he is thinking. Great. Just great.

'Having a bad night?' a deep and warm voice asks. If it couldn't get any worse. The guys flirting you from the bar are the worst. They are even too lazy to go to the dancefloor.

'Yes, but it's not of your business.' I say a little bitchier than necessary. The only reaction I get is a low beautiful laugh. It brightens my mood and I look to him.

And the moment I lay my eyes on him my breath stops for a minute. There he is. There my beautiful Russian resident is. He is probably not a resident anymore. But he is still beautiful. A little older then he was back then.

And I can't stop staring at him. How many times in the last six years have I dreamt about seeing him again. And now on this night he is right in front of me. And the only thing I have said to him is some bitchy thing.

His eyes are looking at me with amusement in them. Would he recognize me? Probably not. I've changed so much since that. And how can you recognize someone when you only met her when she was sick and bald.

'Can I help you?' he asks with a small smile. Oh my. I am still staring at him. What must he think of me? Probably that I lost my mind. And I have lost my mind. How can this happen to me?

'I'm so sorry. I know it's rude to stare.' I say and lower my eyes. Shouldn't have done that. Because now I'm just taking his body in. He has a dark jeans on with a blue shirt that shows of his muscles. And boy, he has muscles. Only the sight of him makes me go weak in the knees.

'I don't mind. I'm Dimitri.' He says and I look up. He doesn't remember me. it makes me even smile brighter.

'I know.' I say before I can help myself and I can hit myself at the moment. His eyes lit up with confusion as I say that. Know he really must think that I'm a stalker or something.

'My name is Rose Hathaway.' I say and I just wait. Watching him. I can see the moment he remembers the name and his eyes meet mine in surprise. His eyes show a lot of emotions before he stands up and his hands cup my cheeks.

'I have always thought that you were…' he says but doesn't finish the sentence. He doesn't have to. I already know what he wants to say. He didn't thought I would survive. I smile and lay my hands on his hands.

'Sometimes miracles happen.' I say and we just stare in each other eyes. I have always dreamt about meeting him again and it is even better than I ever thought it would be.

'I have thought about you so many times in the past six years Rose. You had this fire in you what inspired everyone around you. And I couldn't stand it that you didn't received the chance to find out what you wanted in life.' He says and he pulls me a little closer. It feels so nice to be this close to him. Even if it is in this club. And his words. They just set me on fire.

I always thought that we had a connection back then. He understood me better than my own parents did. And it is so sweet of him to say this. He has been thinking of me for all those years. Just as I kept thinking about him.

'May I kiss you?' he asks. And the only thing I can do is nod. He bends his head slowly towards mine and then his lips are on mine. I answer his kiss and our lips move together. It even feels better than I can remember.

His tongue traces my bottom lip asking for permission. Something I gladly give him. Our tongues battle for dominance for a while before someone clears his throat. Dimitri pulls back and give the person a death glare. I look to the person and see Jill, Eddie, Mia and some guy I don't know standing next to us.

'Rose, we wanted to go home. Do you come with us?' Mia asks. Not afraid of Dimitri. I bite my lip and look between them and Dimitri.

'Do you… Do you want to go home with me?' I ask him. A little ashamed that my friends are watching this. He lifts his brows in a surprised look. But he just nods and I pull him with me.

We walk at the back of the little group. Our arms wrapped around the other and neither of us speaks. We just enjoy being together. I can't believe I asked him to go home with me. Normally I flirt a lot but I'm not the kind of girl for a one-night stand.

I look up to him and see that his mind is far away from here. I wonder what he is thinking about. But in the meantime I have the time to study him. His long brown hair is tight together in his nape. He has beautiful plump pink lips that looks so good for kissing. And I know that they are wonderful when you kiss them.

He has a sharp straight nose and two dark brown eyes. His brows are thick but it suits him. He has a strong jaw and light stubble. It looks very sexy on him.

He looks down and he smiles when his eyes met mine. Knowing that I am watching him.

I take him up to my room and we stand there watching each other. My hands go up to his chest and I rest them on him. He puts his hands on my hips and pulls me a little closer. His lips back at mine. I slowly push him back to my bed and let him fall on it.

I straddle his hips and pull his hair loose. My hands go through his hair and he pulls me closer again. His hands roaming over my body.

'I just still can't believe that you are here.' He softly says. His eyes are taking me in with wonder.

'I can't believe that you are here, Dimitri.' I say and he smiles.

After that his lips are on mine again and we don't speak again. Soon our clothes are gone and we spent the night tangled together. Not wanting to leave the other. And it feels so good. We finally fell asleep in each other arms and I slept better than I had done in a long time.

**I'm still discussing with myself if I want to leave this as an one-shot, or make it into a story. So I will let you decide! Just leave a review if you want me to make this into a story! If I get enough reviews I will update as soon as possible. **


	2. Surprises

**So many lovely reviews I got only for the first chapter! And keeping my word here is the following chapter. I decided to make this into a full story. So read and I hope you like it!**

**Chapter 2.**

In some sort of way we are all healing. As long as we live and things keep happening around us we need to heal. And sometimes we just need to heal from the outside. When we get into an accident and break our leg we need time to let the leg heal. We put a cast around it and give it six weeks to heal. But there are other things that happen and scare us from the inside.

And those are the difficult parts. Because we are healing and we need time. But we can't put a cast around it and give it six weeks. We need to go further with our life. But still we are healing. So we try and do the best we can but it can´t stop us from breaking once in a while. And it is difficult because other people can't see it and every one things you are just fine. But deep down we all know when the mind is broken the body can't move.

You can be taking step by step. Moving slowly forward. But when you can't remember what you are doing, when you can't remember where you are going, the world stops. And the moment you stop the world pass you by.

When I wake up I have the most beautiful view before me. Dimitri is still asleep and the blanket is only wrapped around his hips. His face is so relaxed and his chest looks like it is made from porcelain. I can't help myself to trace his chest with my fingers.

His hands tighten and his sleepy eyes open slowly. As soon as his eyes meet mine a beautiful smile forms on his face.

'Good morning beauty.' He says and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

'Good morning hansom.' I answer and he chuckles.

'How late is it?' he asks and I roll around. When I finally find my phone and see the time I shoot out of bed.

Oh my gosh! I have to start at my new job in forty minutes and it takes me twenty-five to get there. I'm so screwed. I start grabbing clothes as I hear a laugh. Shit, Dimitri.

'Don't laugh at me. Don't you dare laugh at me. I'm so late Dimitri. So late! And it is my first day.' I say panicking. What will they think of me. I am new in the job and I am coming late at my first day. This can't be happening. This just can't.

A pair of hands pulls me closer and he kisses my lips slowly. But even that can't relax me at this moment. I just want to die at this moment.

'You know, Roza. I can always write you a not. I'm a doctor.' He asks smiling.

'Roza, huh?' I ask him. In the interim I'm finding I put on some underwear and shooting Dimitri daggers for just standing there.

'It's your Russian name.' he says. He is finally putting on his clothes. Thank god. How can I meet the man of my dreams one day and screwing up everything the second.

'Well, comrade. Your note won't help me. I heard this doctor I will work for is a total ass. And he will probably kill me for being too late.' I say while pushing him out of my room. He chuckles and let me.

'He won't be that bad. Not all of us doctors are asses.' He says and he watch me getting ready for work. I stop and glare at him.

'Oh he is. I heard all of these stories about him. And all those nurses are doing everything they can to keep him happy or they are living in hell for a couple of days. I heard that one of the nurses burst out crying when he only looked at her. Can you believe that?' I ramble the story and look at him. His eyes tell me how amused he is by my little rambling story.

'I must admit that that doctor sounds like a total jackass. And I won't keep you any longer from trying to be on time.' He says and he collects his jacket. He wears a long leather jacket, I think it's called a duster. And with the long hair it makes him look like a cowboy.

'Euhm, yeah. So how do we do this?' I ask immediately nervous. What if he only wanted this to be one-night stand? And now I'm rambling this whole story to him when he is probably not even interested. But why didn't he leave in the middle of the night? Isn't that what a one-stand is supposed to do?

'Well, I hope to see you again. Maybe we could exchange numbers?' he says with one of his beautiful smiles.

We exchange numbers and then we go separate ways. I'm on my way to work and I don't know where he is going to. But I hope that I will see him soon.

'So this brings us to the end of our tour. I hope that you find your way soon. And otherwise you can always ask.' Sonya says. She is one of the nurses and I already like the woman. She is kind and warm. I can really see myself become friends with her.

'Thank you so much. I really appreciate it that you showed me around. And the first days always will be the hardest.' I say and she laughs. We all know it is. It was in our internships and it will be when you first start working.

'Come, come. We will have to go if we want to be on time for the doctor. Mostly he will first go through all the files and then he goes to all the patients. Just be silent and listen, alright?' she says and I can feel myself getting nervous.

I was already happy that I made it in time. Barely, but on time. And luckily the doctor was late so we had a little time for a tour over the children's ward. Yes, I am a nurse on the children's ward. Very proud to be.

I sit in the back with a couple of other new nurses. Gladly I'm not the only one starting new. But it makes me wonder why so many nurses quit. Would that have to do something with the doctor?

'Good morning. Everyone ready?' I hear a deep and warm voice saying. That is a very familiar voice. I look up and am shocked to who I see standing there.

Dimitri. No, please, please, no. This can't be happening, right? I can't listen to his voice talking about all those children when I can still hear his voice say all these naughty things to me like he did last night.

And, wait, he is the doctor! I better could have died this morning before going to work. I have said all these things about him to him. And I didn't even know it. How can I face him? Let's hope that he won't notice me anytime soon.

Luckily for me he didn't look up from the files in front of him. It was nice to listen to his voice for almost an hour. He has this beautiful voice that makes you forget about everything around you and you only listen to him. And I noticed that I'm not the only one. I have never heard a room full of woman be so quiet.

'And that brings us to the last point, are there any news from your front.' He says and finally looks up to Sonya. She is head nurse at the ward and most of the talking was between her and Dimitri.

'Well, we have four new nurses starting today.' She says with a smile and looks our way. It seems like Dimitri has lost his interest because he is already writing down on his notes.

'Names.' He orders. We are silent for a moment until Sonya looks our way. The other girls say their names first before it's my turn. It's making me nervous. Would he react when I tell him my name? What will he do?

They say their names and receive a nod from Dimitri, who is still looking down. The girl next to me gives me a small push that it's my turn. I say my name and am really glad that my voice wasn't shaking. As he hears my name he looks up and his eyes meet mine. I can see the surprise in them for a short moment and then it's gone.

'Good. Welcome ladies.' He says and stands up. All the nurses stand up with him and the four of us are standing a little awkward at the back. Not knowing what we should do.

'Go with the doctor.' A nurse whispers to us and we come in action as one person. It makes us giggle and we share a look of understanding. One look of Sonya makes us shut up immediately.

We were happy that it was finally lunch break. We had spent the morning with the visit round with Dimitri and had learned that he was a very strict men. Things had to go by his rules and his methods. But on the other side was he a really sweet men when it came to the children.

It makes me wonder why he transferred from being an oncologist to a pediatrician. But I'm not sure if it is even in my place to ask such a thing. First he was just my dream man that I had slept with. And now he is my boss. How could it become so complicated?

'He was in a good morning this morning.' Sonya says and we can only stare at her. This was a good mood? If this is his good mood I don't want to know what his bad mood is.

'Good? Good? He tortured his this whole morning.' Avery says. She is one of the girls that started working with me today. The other woman on our table starts laughing at her comments. Except the four of us. Not really understanding what is funny.

'He probably got lucky last night.' One of them says and the other start laughing even harder. All I can do is look down and try to not get red. I know he got lucky.

'I won't mind to spend the sheets with him.' Another woman says. And I can't help it to get a little mad. I don't want to picture other woman in bed with him. And that's crazy because he isn't even mine. Oh, I wish he was mine.

'You are just such a slut!' Sonya exclaims. I hold my breath waiting for her answer. But she only starts laughing.

'There is nothing wrong with being a slut!' she says a little too loud. A lot of people around us are staring at us. But she doesn't even care. She even goes as far as pushing her cleavage a little higher. It makes us laugh and I love the group I work with.

'Are you entertaining yourselves, ladies?' I hear Dimitri's voice ask behind me. We stop laughing and everyone freezes. How much did he hear?

'We are always entertaining ourselves doctor.' I hear Sonya answer very politely and we start laughing again. How can she be so serious after what we just said!

Dimitri just shakes his head and he sit down. Next to me! How did that happen? I can feel his warmth radiate of him and I smell his aftershave. It takes all of my control to keep my hands to myself and not touch him.

'Can you help me for a minute?' I hear his voice but I can't see him. But I know by the way that he asks that he can see me. So I take a deep breath and walk inside.

In the room is Dimitri busy with the examination of a small girl. I put up a smile and look at them both. The mother is sitting in the corner keeping her eyes fixed on her daughter.

Poor little girl has fallen in a pool and she has signs of hypothermia. Her skin is very cold but the pH of her blood has returned to a more normal level.

'Her pajama needs to be changed and I want another check on her temperature.' He says with his authority. And I can't do anything than just follow what he says. I walk closer and the poor girl is looking at me with those big eyes of her.

'Hi sweetie, my name is Rose. I will just help you in another pair of those pretty pajamas of yours and check on your temperature. It won't hurt you. Don't let that big doctor scare you.' I say and smile at her. And I'm lucky to receive a smile from her.

I can feel Dimitri's stare on mine and as I look up I can see anger in them. What did I do? Is this about that comment?

I try to ignore him as I help the girl. I talk with her and she talks back at me the best she can. She is very sweet and I hope that she will be out of here very soon. It's always very sad when a child needs to be hospitalized.

I can hear him talk with the mother and goes through a couple of stuff. I finish with the girl and just tell him her temperature before walking out. He doesn't look up when I leave so I just wave at the little girl and continue working on the files.

'A word please.' He says and he doesn't wait for my answer. He just walks away and I stare at his back. What is this? He can't seriously mean this. I didn't do anything wrong.

'You can better follow him.' I hear someone say. Great. All the other nurses heard him. Now they all think that I did something wrong. But I didn't!

I stand up and walk after him. I won't let him do this to me. I was just talking to that little girl and knowing about all my doctor visits is that they can be very scary! The nurses always seemed so much nicer.

His office door is open so I just walk in. He stands with his back toward mine. The sleeves of his blouse are rolled up to his elbows. Looking very sexy. Don't think about that! You are supposed to be mad at him.

'That took you long enough. Close the door.' He says again with that authority. But this times it just makes me weak in the knees. I can't help but find it very sexy the way he talks and barks orders. And I wonder how it would be if he would do that in the bedroom.

I follow his order and as soon as I turn around to face him again he is only inches away from me. I take a deep breath as I stare in his eyes. They bore into mine and darken with the moment. I lick my lips and see his eyes travel down to my lips.

Suddenly I am pressed against the wall and his lips are attacking mine. Only the taste of his lips makes me crazy. I moan and wrap my arms around his neck. His hands are searching my body and he presses his body closer.

The moment I can feel how excited he is I push him away from me. We stare at each other, both breathing heavy.

'You can't do that doctor.' I say and try to pull myself together again. He chuckles and rest his hands on my hips.

'I remember you calling me names. A lot. But doctor wasn't one of them.' He says, his voice husky. The things this man do to me.

I've always been in control. Never wanted to lose it or let another person take it. It is why so many of my relationship didn't work out. But with Dimitri. I want to give him all the control within seconds.

'Well last night I didn't even know you would be my boss!' I say and push his hands away. He only laughs and take a couple of steps back.

'Doesn't that make it even sexier, Roza?' He says and gives me that look that makes me want to throw all my believes away.

'It's Rose when I'm working.' I say and I look away from his stare. There is no way that there can come any good from this.

'And didn't you wanted to be an oncologist. So what are you even doing here?' I continue. And I know that it comes all out a little bit bitchier then I intend to.

'Oh, Roza. Don't be like this. We could have a lot of fun when you just give in.' he says. I give him a death glare and he signs.

'Alright. We can do this your way. I couldn't watch all those patients just die. I wanted to do something more with my life. And then I found out how much I enjoyed to be pediatrician.' He says. He looks away and his I can see that his mind is very far away.

I can't help to wonder what happened to him. And I just want to reach out and make him feel better. Something that is very dangerous. I am working for him. He is my boss. I can't have these feeling for him. It always ended badly.

'Couldn't you watch those patients die or couldn't you watch me die?' I ask. It comes out as a whisper but I know he heard me. He looks up and I can see the truth in them. And I don't know what I must do with it.

'I can ask you the reason why you became a nurse Rose. But I also know the answer at that.' He says and I nod. I sit down in the stool next to him. I guess that we know each other better than we think.

We are silent for another couple of minutes. Both thinking about the reason we are doing what we are doing. And it is odd that we aren't that different. He wanted to be a doctor, but didn't wanted to be an oncologist after we met. And I wanted to be a nurse after we met.

'Do you remember when we first met?' he asks with a smile. And I smile because I remember. He holds his hand out and I take it. Seeking comfort in his touch.

'You were the hottest doctor I had ever met.' I say and he laughs.

'That isn't what you let me know back then. What did you call me back then?' he asks.

'Cheap foreign labor.' I say and we both laugh. I just had another chemo session and wasn't pleased with the people in my room, my parents. And then Doctor Wilson had come in with him following. Saying that he would be my new doctor.

**Leave me a review and tell me what you thought about it! And please follow/favorite this story so you will know when the next chapter is up!**


	3. Promises

**'Love is, to be loved,' said Alexander, 'in return.'  
\- Paulina Simons, The Bronze Horseman.**

_It was just past noon when she had met him. She had just received one of her worst chemo´s and it made her feel so bad. She just wanted to die in that bed on that very moment._

_Her parents were sitting with her while she lie in bed motionless. They had been fighting since the night before. They wouldn't tell her or let her know. But she just knew. The way they acted towards the other. She hated these moments but she didn't know any other way. _

_For most of her life her father hadn't been around in her life. It was just her and her mother. Well, it was her and her nanny Alberta. Her mother worked almost every day and when she wasn't working she was spending her time in the gym. But she wouldn't complain. She didn't know any other way. _

_When she got sick her father showed up. He had left her and her mother when she was only two months old. Leaving her with her mother. He said that he wanted to be a part of her life when she would go through all those bad stuff._

_She didn't want him. And she didn't want her mother either. She had wanted Alberta to stay with her. She would know what to say and what to do to make her feel better. But no, she had to go through it all with her parents by her side. It was like having to complete strangers getting to know you when you are slowly dying. _

_But on that moment she just wished she had no one there with her. She wanted to be alone. She was lying on her side curled up as small as she could. She was fighting against her own body and she was tired of it. _

_But there she was in that hospital room, once again. Her parents sitting side by side by her bed. Her back turned towards them. She didn't want to see the pity in their eyes. The doctor would be checking up on her soon and then her parents would leave her. Thank god. _

_She can hear the door opening and her parents greeting the doctor. He would sit next to her and she would pull the blanket down. Only so far that she could see him. And he would smile and ask her how she feels. She would answer that she wants to die and he would pat her head and talk to her parents. _

_But not this time. She can hear his voice and the voices of her parents. But with them is another unfamiliar voice. A deep and warm voice with a faint accent in in. It makes her curious. She turns and sit up slowly._

_Her father is immediately by her side to help her sit up. Knowing that it costs her so much. She gives him a weak smile and let him help her. When she sits up she can see four pair of eyes watching her. One pair of them are the most beautiful brown eyes she has even seen. _

_'__Good afternoon Rose. I want you to meet our new doctor. Dimitri Belikov.' Doctor Wilson says and motions to the man standing next to him. He is tall and well built. Shoulder length brown hair, tied in the nape of his neck. A sharp jaw, full soft pink lips, a straight nose and two beautiful eyes. _

_'__It is nice to meet you Rose.' He says with that accent with him. I'm not in the mood to be nice and play the lovely daughter. I hate it when you have to go to the hospital that you see new people every day who pretend to know everything about you. _

_'__You got cheap foreign labor to watch after me?!' I say. And I know that it is very mean for me to say that. I'm half Scottish and half Turkish. And by the way my mother shouts 'Rosemary' and my father hisses 'Rose' I know that I am out of line. _

_But the doctor just burst out laughing at my reaction. Seriously. Laughing. And I have to admit that it is a beautiful laugh. _

_'__I've heard a lot of names, but that wasn't one. I must say that you're original.' He says with that deep voice of him. My parents are looking at me if I have suddenly three heads and Doctor Wilson just shakes his head. This isn't the first time that I miscalled someone._

* * *

'You are beautiful. The way you walk, the way you talk and even the way you eat.'

'I saw you looking at me today. You just could've talked with me.'

'Wished you would smile my way.'

'It will be easier when you just give in.'

'Goodnight beautiful princess.'

This whole week Dimitri would send me texts like this. At work he would act like there isn't anything going on between the two of us. But when I am home he won't stop texting me these kind of texts. And it takes all my self-control to not send anything back.

But every time that he I receive one of these texts I would smile and won't stop smiling. And the girls noticed. And they think that I have a new relationship. But I won't give in with Dimitri. He is my boss and it would be so wrong.

It's Friday today and only half an hour until my work day is over. As much as I enjoy working as a nurse and working with children. Working with Dimitri every day is a hell. He won't talk more with me than he does with the other nurses and he won't touch me. But I feel his eyes on me.

He hasn't kissed me since Monday. And a part of me is glad he didn't but there is another part of me that craves his touch, his kiss. I can't stop dreaming about it. It keeps me awake at night.

For the last hour I've been busy with sorting the new medicine and organizing the medicine-carts. It's a mess and all those boxes are filling up the space we have in the room. Sonya told me that I needed to finish it before my shift ended or I would be working late. Great!

And it isn't helping that I keep dreaming about him. The way he laughs. The way he walks and the way he acts around his patients. He is a great person and a greater doctor.

And it is even worse that said person walks in at that moment. He closes the door behind him and smiles that beautiful smile of his. Great. Now I'm in a room with Dimitri without windows or anything. Nobody can see us.

He says nothing and neither do I. He just sits next to me and starts helping me with all the boxes with medicine. I try to work further with him but it is very difficult to concentrate with him so close to me. And I notice him looking at me every now and then. And his arm against mine.

'You know. You don't have to help me.' I say and try not to look at him.

'It's much more fun to do it together.' He says with a grin. His arm bumping against mine.

'You are distracting me.' I say and turn my back towards him. Trying to ignore him and concentrate on what I have to do.

Suddenly I feel his hands on my waist and his lips on my neck. He is kissing open mouthed kisses on my neck as his hands wrap themselves around me. I moan loudly and let my head fall backwards against his shoulder.

'I would say that this is a lot more distracting.' He whispers in my ear and let go of me. I let out a frustrated groan and turn around. Angry that he stopped. And angry that I let him do that.

'What do you want from me Dimitri?' I say. My eyes are meeting his and the fire in his eyes is burning.

'Everything.' He whispers fiercely. I can't help but swallow and almost look terrified. His eyes are burning and I can see that he means it and a whole lot more.

'I can't… I don't… Dimitri, please, don't.' I say and I can feel the tears in my eyes. Please don't cry, please don't. I always wanted to meet Dimitri again and have chance at more. But now I can't help but be afraid. I don't want to go this fast. I don't want to make such fast steps.

'Rose, please listen. I can take it easy, okay? We don't have to rush. But please don't ignore me.' he says with those pleading eyes of him. His hands cup my cheeks and almost forcing me to keep looking at his eyes. And I can only nod. Agreeing with him.

I don't know if it's the right choice. But I can almost hear Lissa in my head. Saying that I can't always be hiding and that I need to take this chance when it is right in front of me. And the happy smile and happy eyes of Dimitri is almost a reward itself.

'So, tell me Rose. Am I really an asshole as a doctor?' he asks, his eyes twinkling with humor. Shit, he still remembers. I called him an asshole without even knowing that I was offending him.

'Well. You are very strict and everyone is running around to make everything going the way you want. Some of the nurses are really afraid of you.' I say and try to look away from his eyes. But he just burst out of laughter.

'And the following moment they are flirting and trying to trick me into their beds.' He says still laughing. And I can't help to feel jealous. I don't want him to sleep with other woman.

'Well, you aren't sleeping with the nurses. Right?' I ask. Suddenly a little afraid of the answer. Hoping that he isn't sleeping with them. I want him for myself. And only for myself.

'Just with one.' He says and his eyes are burning again. I feel myself turning red under his gaze.

He gives me a quick kiss and then he helps me with sorting. And we keep bumping into each other, smiling to each other and even giving the other quick small kisses. It feels great.

* * *

It's Saturday night and as a wonder all the girls are home. We decided to have a movie night and just have girl talk. So we put mamma mia in the dvd-player and have a lot of food on the table.

'So Rose, please tell us all about that guy you had over on Sunday. Are you still talking with him?' Mia asks and I feel I'm blushing. I haven't told them anything about him. Not even that he is the doctor.

'Well, he isn't just the guy from the bar…' I say and see their interested and forcing looks. They want me to tell them more. I just wait a little long until they are pleading to tell me more.

So I finally jump into the story how I met him when I still had cancer. All those nights that he sat by my bed and we talked. About nothing, about everything. And of course how he kissed me and that that was my very first kiss. They are all drooling by now. Thinking it is so romantic.

And then I tell him about how we met again and felling the connection between the two of us. How I offended the new doctor in front of him and almost threw him out of the house. And then I tell him how I found out that he is the doctor at the children's ward.

They wanted to talk and scream, but I motion them to be silent. So I can continue. And I tell him about his texts and about yesterday. How he asked I to give him a chance and I decided to give him that. And Lissa squeals, almost leaving us deaf.

They are giving me thousands of questions before I tell them to stop and talk about something else. First they are mocking but when they find another subject they are finally leaving me. And I have finally the time to read the text I got a couple minutes ago.

_D: _'_Can I see you?'  
__R: 'No.'  
__D: 'Can I see you, please?'  
__R: 'No.'  
__D: 'But I miss you!'  
__R: 'You saw me yesterday!'  
__D: 'Exactly. That's torture. I want to see you today.'  
__R: 'No.'  
__D: 'Why not?'  
__R: 'Having a girl's night.'  
__D: 'I can act like a girl if you want.'  
__R: 'Are you wearing a dress?'  
__D: 'If that turns you on!'  
__R: 'You are impossible.'  
__D: 'Not impossible. I just know what I want!'  
__R: 'And I said no.'  
__D: 'But did you mean it?'  
__R: …  
__D: 'Oh, common Rose. I just want to see you.'  
__R: 'No.'  
__D: 'Please. Real quick, okay?'  
__R: 'NO!'  
__D: 'Alright, what are you doing?'  
__R: 'We are sitting here naked, trying new underwear.'_

After that last text he doesn't answer anymore. Good. Annoying man. And I can't help the smile that is forming. He wants to see me.

'Rose, why are you smiling? Has it something to do with that Russian of yours?' Mia says and she lays her head in my lap. Wanting to have my whole attention.

'I pissed of the certain Russian.' I say and let them read the texts. They are laughing when they finish.

'He probably fainted by the idea of five girls sitting naked.' Mia ads and I push her away smiling. Guys are so easy.

'And Mia. Have you finally found a guy that is worth keeping for a long time?' I ask and by the way she signs I know everything. She hasn't.

'You know. I try and I really try. But it never works out. And I keep thinking if it's my fault, you know. They are all fun but after a couple of dates they want to claim you and become all possessive over you. And that is sexy and everything. But only in the bedroom. I can't have that way of acting when I am working!' she explains and we laugh. But have to agree with her.

Normally there would be nothing wrong with possessive and claiming. But we all see Mia working. She is a model and she is working with guys a lot. And some shoots are kind of sexy and kinky. Especially when it's a shoot where they are only in their underwear. Poor Mia.

'You will find a guy Mia. You just have to!' Lissa says and takes Mia's hand. Lissa, our hopelessly romantic. Always wanting love for everyone. It is really sweet of her. But sometimes it is just annoying. We are all grownups and we can take care of ourselves.

The doorbell rings and we look up in surprise. We aren't expecting someone.

'Someone order pizza?' Jill asks and gets up. I didn't. But I wouldn't mind to eat pizza at the moment. I hope it is pizza.

I can hear faint voices and we look up as we hear the tone in Jill's voice. Who is at the door and what is happening there? I stand up and take a couple of steps towards the door. Already wanting to protect Jill.

But the moment I see who is standing in the hallway with Jill, I take a step back. And by the look in his eye I can tell that I pissed of a Russian. He takes a couple of steps towards me and grabs my arms.

'You can't say no and then tease me like that. You are killing me!' he says frustrated. I smile and cup his cheek.

'You know I can. And you weren't supposed to come here.' I say and let go of him. I take his hands and make him let go of me.

'I couldn't stay home. I wanted to see you.' He says and runs his hands through his hair. The girls are giggling and I know they are following it by details.

'Hi girls.' Dimitri says and gives them a smile. I give them a stern look and they only giggle more. Ugh, why do your friends have to be annoying when the guy you like is around?

'You don't mind if I borrow Rose for a minute, right?' he asks them. They are looking at him and then at me with meaningful eyes. Stupid friends. I love them. And then they shake their heads.

Before I can even say anything or do anything, Dimitri has swung me over his shoulder and storms to my room. Great, just great. I have to hear this for a long time.

'Dimitri. Let go of me. NOW!' I say and hit his back with my fists. He doesn't reply and just walks up the stairs with me over his shoulder. He is very, very strong. Sexy!

The moment we walk into my room he sets me back onto my own feet. He closes the door behind us and we stand there staring at each other. My hands on my hips.

I open my mouth to say something and see him do the same. We both closes our mouths. But the moment I take a step towards him, he takes a step towards me. I reach up and he reach down. And our lips meet in a passionate and wild kiss.

He shoves me against the wall and his tongue takes possession over my mouth. And I let him. Enjoying every moment of it. My hands wrap themselves around his neck and his hands land on my hips. Pulling me even closer to him.

His lips leaves mine and he kisses my jaw and neck. And I try to enjoy it but as soon as I hear the girls downstairs the magic breaks for me. I try to escape him, but there is no way out.

'Dimitri…' I try to say but he just kisses me again. Shutting me up. I push against him. Harder now and he finally let's go of me. His eyes standing hurt.

'Dimitri, we wanted to take things slow. This isn't slow.' I say and look away. I hear him sign and I know that I blew it now. But then I feel his fingers lift my chin and my eyes are meeting his.

'I am sorry Rose. I want to take things slow and do things your way. It's just so hard sometimes when I am so sure of us.' He says and his eyes are so kind. He wraps his arms around me and takes me in a hug.

'Just let me know when you are ready, okay? Can you promise me that?' he says and looks at me with those gorgeous eyes. A part of me wants to give in, but I am afraid. What is he doesn't want me when he gets me? What if he grows tired of me?

And all I can do is say yes that I will and make that promise. Even after I don't know I am able to hold onto that promise. But I have to. Not for me, but for Dimitri. And for the girl who I once was. I own in to my old, sick self to try.

**You guys are really amazing! I just have no other words for it. You just keep leaving me all those great reviews and making me smile and wanting to give you another chapter! I read everyone of them and are grateful for every one of them!  
****There was one guest reviewer who noticed that Doctor Wilson is from House! ;) And that made me smile again.  
****I haven't decided on how many times I will post a new chapter. But I will promise you that it will be at least once a week and I will try to update twice a week. Just keep giving me reviews. And don't forget to follow/favorite this story so you will know when the next chapter is up!**

**A short note for the people who are following and reading my other story 'In Omnia Paratus', I have a little writersblock on that story and am not updating it until I have figured out where I am going with it again. Sorry!**


	4. Head over heels

**Thank you for all your wondeful reviews! I love reading them!**

**Warning: this chapter contains a lemon. It is marked so if you're not comfortable to read it just skip it!**

It_ was already past midnight but she couldn't sleep. The medicine she needed to take made her nauseous. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and couldn't walk. She felt like she was slowly dying. But if there was a God, he didn't have mercy with her. She suffered and she wanted to die. _

_Her parents hadn't showed up today. And she was glad they didn't. she couldn't stand the pity and sadness in their eyes. She had finally all the attention of her mother. She had finally met her father. But it wasn't the way she had wanted things to go. _

_She had always dreamt that her father would one day show up and explain why wasn't in her life. And they would have finally a relationship and she could escape her mother's house. But he showed up when her mother had called him. Saying that she was very sick and they needed him. _

_And somehow it turned out that their parents had made an agreement that he wouldn't be in her life until she was eighteen. He was Turkish and had some kind of business back in Turkey and Russia. They didn't want her to be involved with that business. That says enough, right?_

_But the thing what hurt her the most is that her friends stopped showing up. When she got sick at sixteen her friends came a couple of times a week. Then once a week and then only twice in a month. They did that for a year and a half. _

_When she was seventeen she got in remission. The cancer hadn't grown anymore and things looked very bright for her. She was going to school once again but everything had changed. Her friends weren't interested in her anymore. They spread rumors about her. But she had stuck with them, not knowing what to do. _

_Only a couple of months later the cancer had grown and she needed chemo once again. She had dropped out of school. Leaving all her friends behind. And this time she was in it alone. Deep down inside of her she knew that she wouldn't survive it this time. She didn't had the strength. She didn't had the support. _

_This was playing in her head. Every night. She couldn't sleep so she thought. And her thought weren't nice on her. Sometimes she thought about her funeral. It was stupid but the thought was way more easier. Easier than thinking about living. _

_Suddenly she could feel the nausea become heavier and she pushes the button for the nurse. There wasn't a bucket close or anything she could throw up in. She was pleading them to come faster or she would have to go through the hell of changing sheets. _

_'__Hey, what can I do for you?' a gentle and deep voice asks. Instead of a nurse, doctor Belikov is standing in the doorway. What is he doing here?_

_'__I need to throw up.' she says with a weak voice. Everything is weak at the moment so why would her voice be strong. He just nods and turns away. Only to come back with a cardboard container. She takes it and he sits with her. _

_'__Why aren't you sleeping Rose?' he asks. His voice gentle and just above a whisper. There isn't really a point in whispering. She has a room for herself, thanks to her father. She can feel the traitorous tears in her eyes._

_'__I can't sleep.' She says, turning her head away from him. She doesn't want him to see the tears in her eyes, almost slipping over. _

_'__You can talk to me. I am here for you.' He says with that gentle voice of him. It makes her think of how people talk to children. Like she is just a small child not knowing how to say what is bothering her._

_'__I am not a child, comrade.' She says turning angry. But he only laughs at her calling him names. His laughter is deep and wraps al around her. _

_But before she can get really angry at her the inside of her stomach is coming out. Only leaving her retching over the cardboard container. There isn't anything inside of stomach. She can feel him moving the hair of her wig out of her face. _

_Tears streaming over her face, retching and angry she grabs the stupid wig and throws it across the room. She wears it so not all people stare at her with pity. She feels his hand rubbing her back while he is whispering comforting things to her. _

_'__Shhh, it's okay Rose. Don't force it, just let it go. It will all be fine. I promise.' He says while rubbing her back. He continues to do this until the nausea passes. Then he returns to the chair that he was sitting in. _

_'__I just want to die. But my parents won't let me.' she says and she looks at him. He can't hide the surprised look that flashes across his face._

_'__You don't want to die.' His answers comes to quickly. She knows it and he knows it to. _

_'__I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't walk. I need help to go to the bathroom and on bad days I need help with eating. This isn't life.' She answers. Knowing that it is true. She has thought about it for a long time. _

_'__It will get better. When you have beaten this cancer, you will live again. You will make friends, you will find love and maybe you will be the president of America.' He says. It's what he believes in and what he needs to believe in to keep working. _

_'__Why can't you just let me die?' she asks. Meaning it this time. If she stops with the medication, with the chemo. The cancer will take her life eventually. _

_'__Why can't you just try and keep living?' he asks. His eyes are challenging her. _

_'__I will look into your file and see what I can do about the nausea.' He says and with that he walks out of the room. Leaving her in the bed. Frustrated._

* * *

His back is against the bench, his legs are open. My back is against his and my legs are closed. His hands are resting on my belly. We are both sitting on the ground for lack of more furniture.

It's Sunday afternoon and we are all sitting in the living room of our apartment. We used to do this all the time but we became more and more busier and didn't made the time again. But tonight we made time for each other.

Dimitri was the last one that arrived and because of that we are now sitting on the floor. But I don't care about it. I am close to Dimitri and his arms are around me. If we could do this for the rest of our lives I would be happy to say yes.

'I am hungry. Who is going to cook?' I announce and look around me. Hoping that it will be Christian. He is the best cook there is. We still can't believe that he didn't became a cook.

'Not me Rose. Had a night shift and it was hectic. Have another one the coming night.' He says while he yawns. Poor guy, always stuck in that laboratory.

'Why don't you cook?' Dimitri suggest and I can already here the protest coming from the others. I will burn the kitchen down before there is something eatable on the table.

'Rose can't even boil water. She isn't going the cook.' Jill says with a wink. I can't help but chuckle. It is so true. Dimitri nudge me.

'We're going to cook Roza. With my help you can't burn anything.' Dimitri says and makes me stand up. I can only cook at him. I will definitely burn something. He will just have to find out. The others wishes him good luck.

'You have to stir into the sauce Roza. You will burn it if you keep looking at me.' he says and pushes me out of the way. Trying to save the sauce. I can't help but keep watching Dimitri. He is a God in the kitchen. And so sexy.

When there is finally food on the table it wasn't because of me. I burned Dimitri's precious sauce and he sent me out of the kitchen. And he finally has given up on my cooking skills. But his cooking skills are wonderful. It is so delicious and I can get used to this.

I can't even name all the things he has put on this table but I am sure that I want to eat everything. And by the looks of the others they love it as much as I love it.

'So Dimitri, were did you learn to cook like this?' Sydney asks. I wanted to ask it but I am too busy with inhaling this lovely food.

'My mama taught me how to cook.' He says with a sad look in his eyes. I need to remember to ask him about him. But now is not the time. At this table with all my friends around us. I give him a quick squeeze in his hand and he gives me a small smile.

* * *

'I think I need to go Roza.' He says. We are lying on my bed snuggled close together. I give him a pout and hold him even closer. He laughs and gives me a quick kiss on my nose.

'I have to Roza or I will fall asleep.' He says and he stands up. it makes me let go of him. And I already miss his warmth. For the last hour or so we have been here. Snuggled close on my bed. Kissing and talking. And I loved it.

He is such a wonderful man. I won't admit it to him but I am already head over heels in love with him. It's too early to tell him that. But I can show him what I feel for him.

'Please stay.' I say and take his hand. I can only watch his eyes that are asking me if I'm sure. And I can only nod. Taking him with me to my bed.

**M-scene**

I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss him. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to me. His hands find their way to my hips and stay there. His tongue demands access to my mouth and I obey. Moaning the moment our tongue got in their fight.

My hands travel south to the hem of his shirt. Pulling it slowly up and I stop kissing him. Staring him in the eye while I take of his shirt. Leaving him standing in front of me with his chest bare. And what a sight is that. I can tell that he exercises pretty often.

He doesn't has a six-pack but his stomach is flat but he does have a v-line, starting by his hips and disappearing in his pants. he has a little dark chest hair. And a small line of hair over his stomach and that also disappears into his pants. I can only be excited to take his pants off to see the rest.

I kiss and lick his chest. Twirling my tongue over his nipples making him moan loudly. I let my hands roam over his back and stomach and traveling more south to the button of his pants. Before I can start to open it he has turned me around and his chest is pressing against my back.

His lips are on my neck and his hands are kneading my breasts. It makes me moan even more. Encouraging him even more. Soon his hands are under my shirt and pulling it over my head. His hand unclasp my bra and sending it across the room.

I let my hand travel between our body's to his pants while his hands are making work of my pants. Slipping my hand into his pants he has pulled my pants down. He hisses as soon as my hand found his hard member. And hard it is.

He pulls my hand away and wraps them around his neck. He is leaving kisses on my neck and I know that in the morning I will find the marks. His head is on my shoulder as he stares at my body.

'You're so beautiful, Roza. So beautiful it hurts.' He says and it makes me moan. His fingers hook under my string and pulls it down. Leaving me bare naked in front of him. One of his hands lay flat on my stomach holding me to him. The fingers of his other hand slip between my legs and start rubbing my clit.

I moan and whimper his name while he is pleasing me. The knot in my stomach is getting tighter and tighter until I scream out of pleasure. He keeps rubbing me until I completely ride out the orgasm.

'That was amazing.' I can only say and he chuckles. He is only hugging me while he leaves kisses on my neck and shoulders.

'That was only the beginning.' He says and pulls me toward the bed. I stop him and turn around facing him. Dropping to my knees I pull his pants and boxer briefs down. It makes me gasp. He is huge. No other words for it.

I take the tip of his hard member into my mouth. He moans loudly and tightens his hands into my hair. I take his hard member further into my mouth and let my hand cover the part that I can't fit. I lick and bite and move his member out and in of my mouth. He swells even further and that and the rapid breathing lets me know that he is coming.

He comes into my mouth. It doesn't tastes that great but I swallow it. Satisfied on making him cum into my mouth I stand up again. His mouth crashes down on mine and devours my lips. It's his way to say thank you and making promises on what is about to come.

He pushes me hard on the bed and covers me immediately. He keeps kissing me while he grabs my hands and pushes them above my head, holding it there with one hand.

His lips moves down from my lips. Onto my jawline, neck and to my breasts. There is licks, bite and sucks on my nipples. Making me squirm underneath him. His hand lets go of mine and starts massaging my other breast. Pulling the nipple between his fingers.

He keeps paying attention on my breasts until I can feel another orgasm built inside of my body and making me scream his name with the second orgasm he gave me. This man is a pure God between the sheets. No other words.

I take his earlobe between my lips and flick my tongue over his. His hips shoot forward against me. Letting me feel how hard his member is. I spread my legs and wrap them around his hips. Giving him the best access. He positions himself and waits.

'Ready?' he asks huskily. I nod and his hips shoot forward. Trusting hard inside of me making me scream his name. He holds still only for a moment. Our eyes lock and I can see the question in them so I pull his head down to kiss him. Letting him know that I am fine. Even more than fine.

He settles into a rhythm and hitting that point inside of me. And I know that there will built another orgasm inside of me. Heavier than the two he already gave. We keep kissing and moaning and our breathing is labored.

'Oh. I. Dimitri. I. Am. Going. To. Come.' I say with breathing breaks in between. His pace become even more frantic. And soon the orgasm takes over and I keep saying his name over and over until I ride out the orgasm.

While riding out the orgasm I can feel him swell and releasing inside of me. He growls my name and bites down my neck, marking me as his.

He lets himself fall down on top of me for only a second. Then he pulls out and I can't help the fell the loss of him already. He lays down next to me. We watch each other with wicked smiles on our faces. Both satisfied.

I roll on my side as he pulls me close to him. We snuggle close together our limps tangled together and fall into a deep and peaceful sleep.

**Another chapter! Yeey! But you have to help me. Tell me what you thoughts about it were. What are your opinions about the flasbacks at the beginning of the chapter? And of course what do you thought about the lemon? Should I write another one in one of the following chapters?**


	5. Confessions

_When I was younger Alberta used to read me books. Mostly it were fairytales. Happy stories about a prince or princess and they always found true love. The boys and girls in this stories were always so beautiful and everybody loved them._

_Most of the time I didn't feel beautiful or had the feeling that people loved me. I used to have a hard time making friends and I was convinced that my mother didn't loved me. _

_So the story that I enjoyed most was jungle book. A story about a young boy that grew up in the jungle. Mowgli was his name. And I wanted to be like him. To have my own Baloo and Bagheera. I spent a lot of time fantasizing in that life. _

_And later I came obsessed with Tarzan and Jane. Picturing that Tarzan was like a grown up Mowgli and Jane would be me. That he would have saved me and took me to his house. I would have fallen in love with him, stayed with in his treehouse and wear pretty dresses. _

_Lying in that hospital beds for weeks made me think back at that time. Alberta had brought me the books about Mowgli and Tarzan. Saying that it might get me something else to think about. Just like I did when I was younger. _

_And I smiled at her and said thank you. I love to have those books again. I might passed the age where the books are relevant but my fantasy is still in love with them. Maybe I could run away some day and start living in the woods. Just me and the nature. _

_Unfortunately I don't have the energy to actually read the books. I can still remember everything that happened and it wouldn't do the right when I wished that Alberta was here to read them to me. Everything that my mother was supposed to do with me, she didn't. All those times I had Alberta by my side. _

_'__What are you reading?' a deep and warm voice asks. Doctor Belikov. I show him the books and he sits down next to me. Taking the books from me. _

_'__Are they good?' he asks. I look at him in surprise. He hasn't read them? They are the most wonderful books when you grow up!_

_'__How is it possible that you haven't read them when you were little?' I ask. A little wondering if he ever was little. He is so big that I almost can't picture him being a little boy. _

_'__I grew up in Russia. We had other story's.' he says while trying to read the back of the books. _

_'__Do you want to read them? You can borrow them if you want.' I say. He looks up and smiles at me. _

_'__I thought that you were reading them.' He says and gives them back to me. I take them and look away. _

_'__I don't have the energy to actually read. Alberta thought that they would cheer me up. She used to read them to me when I was younger.' I say. Wouldn't it be great when we could back to that time where everything was still so easy? _

_'__I can read them to you.' He says and takes Jungle Book. I give him a big smile. Actually loving that he will do that. He has a very nice voice and he would be great reading them._

* * *

I hate night shifts. After having one night shift on a Saturday night I have seen enough. And my shifts hasn't finished at all. There are two critical patients on our ward. I have the pager to one and Sonya has the other. That is the only thing that is good about this shift, working with Sonya.

Other than that I have to take care of this little baby girl where we are trying to figure out what she has. She was brought in only an hour ago and she won't stop crying. It is driving me crazy. Never was I the person who was good with baby's but this is extreme.

So I am trying to split myself into two persons to have one person with my critical patient. A little boy with acute kidney failure. And the little baby girl.

She is very tiny, definitely born too soon. Mother is nowhere to be seen. The baby was found on the doorstep of the fire department. They have brought him here.

'Rose, can you come here for a minute?' Dimitri asks. Another great thing on the shift of tonight is that Dimitri is working to. I nod and walk into his office.

'The baby girl is addict baby. There is nothing we can do.' He says and watches me closely. I let myself fall down into the chair and let my head fall into my hands. Poor baby.

'But we can give her drugs, right? Help her with the addiction and make her better.' I say almost desperately. Knowing that he knows all this.

'Normally we can. But the baby is sick. The kidneys aren't working, the lungs aren't fully mature and the heart is shutting down. We can do everything we can think of Rose but is that ethic? Isn't right to put that baby into more pain that it already is?' he says and I know he is right. But I can't let go of her jet.

That baby girl has nobody. She is all alone and already addicted. Because of her mother she has no chance to live in this world. How can you abandon your baby? How can you go through a pregnancy knowing that you will put your baby into danger while using drugs?

The baby doesn't have a voice so why aren't you using yours? Mostly I love my job but those things are the hardest. Knowing that a child, a baby, is sick and you can't do anything to make her better. Those things make me want to run from this job.

'Rose, we can try to make everything so comfortable possible. It is all we can do.' He says. I know he is right. The child is going to die.

'Did you call the police? Child service? The guy who brought her in?' I ask him. Knowing that there will be a research to this child. Trying to find who the mother is, maybe the father. But mostly those things are coming cold cases. They can't find the parents and they need to fix their attention on other cases.

He nods and stand up. I follow him knowing what will happen now. Tears are in my eyes as we start to make the baby most comfortable. Let her wait for death to take her.

'How late is your shift ending?' his soft voice comes while he takes me out of the room. This is definitely one of the things you never want to go through again.

'An hour ago.' I say and give him a smile. The nurses for the night has already come in and took over some of the patient. It helped me to give the baby all the attention she needed.

'Go rest. Take a shower and sleep a little.' He says.

'And you? Your shift ended also an hour ago.' I say and he gives me a weak smile. We are both too busy in our heads with that baby to go home.

'The police will be here in two to three hours and then I will be needed here. No use in going home.' he says. I know he is right but it means that I am needed to.

'Then let's sleep here.' I say and lead him to the nurses room. Knowing that there will be no one here.

'You know I can sleep in the doctors room.' He says and looks at me a little awkward.

'I know. I just… I don't want to be alone.' I say while looking at the floor. I have never been a good person to process bad things alone. And after all the things I've been through I don't want to anymore. Seeing a great future in Dimitri.

He nods and follows me inside. He locks the door and we snuggle close on the bed. Both needing the comfort in the other person.

* * *

I wake up and shoot up. The baby. She needs me. Dimitri isn't lying beside me but is sitting on the other side. A somber and tired look on his face.

'She died, right?' I ask, almost a whisper. He nods and I can't help to start crying. He pulls me towards him and lets me cry into his chest. His hands rubbing my back.

'You did everything you could Rose.' he says. I nod. Knowing that I did. That we did. But it doesn't make anything easier. It only makes it harder. Knowing that you did everything and wanted to do so much more. But that nothing will make it right. That nothing will make that baby to live. To have a chance to live.

I know that when I will ever have children that I would do everything in me to give them the best life possible. I will never abandon them or put them home with some nanny.

* * *

12:42. 12:43. 12:44. I should go out of bed. I really should go out of bed. But the bed is so comfortable. And there is no need to go out of bed. I have two days of and I want to lie in bed for two days in a row.

Losing that baby was hard but it isn't the reason why I am lying in bed all day. The girls are thinking that that is the reason. So I just let them think that. It is easier and they won't give me the looks they will do when they know the reason.

Today is the day that the doctor told me that I would die. That there wasn't any chance at getting better. And even it is six years ago it is still difficult. Knowing that from that day everybody just gave up on me. Well, everybody except Dimitri. He was the one telling me that I had 3% change at surviving.

D: 'Lissa says you are depressed.'  
R: 'Lissa called you.'  
D: 'Yes. I am worried!'  
R: 'I am going to kill her.'  
D: 'Don't. Can I come over?'  
R: 'Maybe. I don't know.'  
D: 'Please? I can make you feel better.'  
R: 'I'm not in the mood to feel better.'  
D: 'You can stay in bed.'  
R: 'I'm not interested.'  
D: 'I didn't mean that.'  
R: 'Oh… Still not interested.'  
D: 'You don't want a hug?'  
R: 'I do want a hug.'  
D: 'Alright, I'm coming over.'  
R: 'Bring food.'

Maybe Dimitri will cheer me up. He has done that before and maybe lying in someone's arms is better than lying alone. And maybe he brings food. I wanted to text Lissa but she wants to talk and if I let her in she won't leave again.

I love that girl to death but she wouldn't get it. I met on an internship. After it we just were inseparable and she moved in with me.

'Hey Roza. How are you feeling?' his soft voice asks. I didn't want to fall back in sleep but I guess that is what I did. He sits next to me on the bed and he is caressing my face.

'I am fine. I just don't want to come out of bed.' I say and sit up. Giving him a small kiss on the lips. I stretch my arms and wrap them around his neck. Giving him a smile.

'Has this anything to do with that baby girl we lost Saturday?' he asks. I look away but his fingers in my chin make me look at him.

'I… No… Today is the day that they told me I would die.' I say. I can see him thinking for a while but he just looks at me with a confused look on his face.

'You know. Six years ago when I had cancer. This is the day that everyone just gave up on me. Telling me that I didn't have a chance at surviving.' I say and I can see the realization coming. He effulged me into a hug and holds me close. My ear close to his rapped beating heart.

'Not everyone gave up on you Roza.' He says, his voice almost a whisper. I nod into his chest and place a kiss there. I know that he stood behind me.

'I… I need to tell you something Dimitri.' I say and pull myself away. His face is seriously and he nods. I motion him to sit on the other side of me. He kicks his shoes of and climbs over me. I take his hand but don't sit against him.

'I think you know how depressed I was when I was fighting the cancer and that I didn't want to fight anymore.' I say and he nods. An pained expression on his face. Talking about your death isn't easy for the ones that care about you.

'I wanted to give up and I was somewhere relieved that they finally let me die. But I had never expected you to become my doctor. Never expected you to come along and that I started to care about you. I looked forward to the moments you spent on my room.' I say and squeeze his hand.

'I developed a huge crush on you over time. I kept wishing on a other time where I wasn't sick and I could just confess my crush on you.' I say and look at him. Needing to know his reaction to my confession.

'Just a crush Roza?' he asks with a huge grin on his face. Bending down and giving me a long and slow kiss. He pulls away and looks at me, demanding an answer.

'Alright, alright. I was madly in love with you. I kept thinking about you and after a while you started to be my Tarzan.' I say and he laughs. He sure remembers the books I loved.

'You would be a good Jane to me.' he says. Smiling and his eyes are twinkling. He is absolutely enjoying this. Good.

'I wanted to know how you tasted so badly and I was so happy when you kissed me. After that I just wanted to get better you know. I wanted to have another chance to kiss you again and make you fall in love with me.' I say. He stares at me with a strange look on his face. And I just grab him and smash my lips against his.

I said it. I can't believe I just said that to him. I confessed to him that I was in love with him all those years ago and that he was the reason I wanted to live again. He pulls away and takes my face into his hands. His eyes full of wonder.

'And now I can kiss you again. Even managed to make you fall in love with me.' I say and give him a man eater smile before continuing. 'Thinking back at that time and what I wanted then I don't want to go slow anymore Dimitri. I want to scream from the rooftops that I am in love with you.'

He smiles so happy that I take a deep breath and give him the next confession.

'I love you Dimitri.' I say and hold my breath. It is too soon. I know it is. He will just walk away now, leaving you all alone. But then he smiles so widely I'm wondering if it hurts and he kisses me. He kisses me with such passion and love.

'I love you to Roza. So much.' He says and we kiss for a while. And I am so happy that he loves me to. Nothing can go wrong now! I love this great man and this great man loves me. I can die happy now.

'I need to tell you something to…' he says and this time he looks away. My hearts start beating faster and I can't help but think about all the bad things he can tell me now.

**I got only two reviews for the latest chapter. Hoping that you will give me some more love for this one.  
****Tell me what you thought about this chapter! What about the Jungle Book and Tarzan. I was absolutly obsessed with Jungle Book as a kid.  
****And what do you think will be the thing that Dimitri is going to confess?**

**If you have a little time go check out my newest story. It is called Pleasure Service. The story is rated M, but that is more because of language.**


	6. Lissa

**This is late, I know it! Sorry guys. I had the whole week vacation and as usual I was sick for the whole week! But I am feeling better so here is the next update. Thank you for everyone that gave me a review and for the ones that I didn't had the energy/time for to answer! I do appreciate your reviews.**

_He was sitting on the chair next to her bed. He did that more often and she couldn't help myself but worry about him. He seems so sad and so tired. She doubt it that it's good when a doctor spend so much time in a patient's room. But all the nurses know and doesn't say anything. _

_She get a lot of weird looks by the nurses on the ward but she can't help it. She doesn't ask him to be there and he doesn't ask here if he is needed. He just walks in, gives her a small smile and sit down on the chair. His head in his hands and his mind far and far away. _

_In this moment he looks so fragile. So humane. He doesn't show any of the signs of the great resident who is the best in his class. Or the signs of the great Russian man he is. He just sits there as a broken man in the room of one of his patients. _

_And maybe they have become friends over the weeks. Weird kind of friends but he does everything to make her comfortable in her room and getting her things she isn't allowed to get. And she offers her room as a shelter to him. To have a place he can be himself. _

_'Have you ever been in love?' he asks suddenly. His head snapping up and looking at her. His eyes boring into hers. He is desperate for he answers but she doesn't know which answer he wants. _

_She shakes her head no. She has never been in love with someone. Never gave someone second thought about loving and liking. Her days were spend with friends and school. Love would come when she was older, she always thought. _

_'Don't. Don't ever fall in love.' He says with a defeating voice. _

_Defeated, broken, fragile. The heart of the big Russian man is broken. Not by her because they weren't lovers. And now he is sitting in her room. Asking for shelter, for comfort. The thing she can't give him. She doesn't know how to. _

_But sitting there in that room with the man she always thought was the strongest man, she decides that she never want to break a heart._

* * *

A whole month has passed since that night we told each other secrets. I remember telling him that I had a huge crush on him when I was sick. I was so happy when he told me his secret and I can't help but stand there with a goofy smile when I think about it.

He was falling for me! He was falling for his patient and mostly the reason he left back then. All those night we spend in that hospital room. Pretending that we were friends.

We try to hide our relationship at work but it is hard. I just want to kiss him every time I see him. Hug him and tell him how much I love him. And yes, I told him that I love him! Couldn't believe it myself. I want to go slow so badly myself and here I am. Already told him that I love him and he said it back. Luckily for me.

The only problem is that Sonya found out about our relationship. Wasn't that hard because she walked in when we were kissing. Oops. I had a hard talk with her and she told me to watch my back. To not jump into this relationship when I don't know everything about him.

Maybe she knows things that I don't and maybe I should know more about him. But why should I hold back when I wanted him for so long. And after everything that happened why am I not allowed to just be happy with Dimitri.

Today she gave me another speech about what I should and shouldn't do with Dimitri and I have the feeling that they are holding something from me. Dimitri but also Sonya. But why would Sonya know something about Dimitri that I don't?

I sign and turn around. Facing Lissa. We finally have a little girls night. Well, I came home and she dragged me up to my room. We both lie down on my bed and look at each other. Her green eyes are excited and she bites her lip. She is holding something from me.

'Say it Lissa.' I say and poke her in her belly. She swaps my hand away and gives me a huge smile.

'Christian asked me to marry him.' She says happy and shows her hand with the ring on her finger. Oh my God! I squeal. Yes, actually squeal and hug her. My best friend is going to marry.

'Oh, Lissa. That is wonderful, I am so happy for you!' I say and hug her even tighter. She lets out a squeal herself and hugs me back.

'I couldn't wait until I could tell you. He asked me yesterday. And it was so sweet! He was so nervous and he took me to this nice restaurant. We ate and he didn't say that much. I was actually a little mad at him for taking me and then not talking to me. So afterwards he took me to the park were we first met. We walked hand in hand in silence. And by the fountain there was this little band playing. He had set it up, Rose! In front of that little band stood a portrait of us and I was walking closer to take a good look. But oh, when I turned around to show Christian, he sat there on one knee. A ring in his hand and he asked me!' she rambles and I smile at her.

I always thought that Jill would be the first to marry but my sweet Lissa. I am glad that Christian finally found the balls to ask them. They have been dating since they were sixteen. She rambled further and tells me everything in details. I listen to her and nod and reply at the right times. Suddenly she is just silence and stares at me.

'Rose, would you be my maid of honor?' she asks and looks at me hopefully. I nod. Of course I want to be.

'Yeah Lissa. If you promise to be mine when I get married.' I say and wink. She laughs and we hug again.

'Do you want to marry Dimitri?' she asks. She grabs my hand and tangle our fingers together. We are both lying on our back and have been silent for a while.

'I don't know. Maybe. Yes. But I think he is holding something from me?' I say and look away from Lissa's eyes.

'Why don't you ask him? You just go to him and demand you answers. Where is that girl that punches Mason because he cheated?' she asks and I smile remembering.

A couple of years ago I fell in love with this sweet guy Mason, or so I thought. We were together all the time and I liked him. Within six months we were engaged. Thinking we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Things changed when we both got stuck up in schoolwork and didn't had much time for each other.

In three months we saw each other twice and we grew apart. One weekend Lissa and I decided to go on a road trip to Mason. Surprise him. Unfortunately when we arrived there he was in bed with another girl. I was so sad then and Lissa took me to our hotel.

We talked the entire night and in the morning I was only mad at him. That he dared to do that to me. He had asked me to spend my whole life with him and he couldn't even stay faithful for a while. I was mostly glad that we weren't married jet.

In the morning we drove back to his place. I told Lissa that I wanted to break up properly, not telling my whole plan. He had opened the door and before he even could say anything my fist had connected to his nose.

'Yeah, I should just ask him.' I say and look up at the clock. 2 am. I lay back and sign.

'What are you doing? You go! Now!' Lissa says and jumps up. Ready to drag me there if I refuse.

'No, I don't want to Lissa. Not now!' I exclaim and look at her with big eyes. I'm not doing this now. Never.

'Come.' She says and walks out of my room. I wonder what she is doing. I craw over the bed and walk behind her. She leads me to the kitchen and she pulls liquor bottles out of the fridge.

'Are you mad?' I exclaim. Alcohol never solved anything.

'You can go now or I let you drink so much that you go anyway.' She says with a grin. I laugh and shake my head. Silly Lissa. I always do what she asks when I am drunk. But I don't think that I should drink.

I take the tequila bottle and take a few sips. Making a face. She laughs and grabs the keys from her car. I grin at her and walk behind her. I need the alcohol for this but I don't want to drive.

'I'm not going to wait for you at his home. He lets you sleep with him or he brings you home.' she says in a teacher voice. I smirk and drink even more. 'So now, where does the guy live?'

I give her his address and it takes us twenty minutes to get there. We are both looking at the place with our mouths open wide. I have never been to his place before. He gave me his address but we always are in my place.

He lives in the richest part of town and the apartment complex is huge and beautiful. I can believe he lives here and wants to stay at my place so often. My God.

'Well, good luck.' Lissa says and gives me a small push. I wave at her and go out of the car. She drives away from me before I can think twice about what I am going to do. I am not ready. Never. Maybe I should have changed clothes. I don't fit here in my yoga pants and a tank top. My hair is in a high bun and I am not wearing any make-up.

Right, I'm screwed. The guy in the lobby looks at me strangely but doesn't say anything. Taking a deep breath I push the button for the elevator. He lives on floor 32. No way I'm going with the stairs. It's only in the elevator I found out that he has a penthouse.

I know that doctors make good money. But a penthouse in this neighborhood. I can't even imagine how much the place costs. I didn't drink too much. Should I just call a cab and go back home? No, Lissa will drag me back here.

Only a minute or so and I am standing in front of his door. My hand is shaking when I bring it up to ring the bell. Nothing. I ring it again. Longer this time. Finally I hear someone stumbling on the other side.

The door opens and in front of me stands man. A really handsome men but it isn't Dimitri. He has blond hair and a round face. His eyes travel over my body and he gives me a big smile.

'What can I do for you sweetheart?' he asks. I let my eyes travel over his body. Lean, muscular body. A tight shirt and a loose sweatpants.

'You can speak right.' He says raising his brows. I nod trying to find the words.

'I… Uhm… I'm looking for Dimitri.' I stumble and when I say Dimitri his eyes are scanning me again. I can see the light go on in his eyes when he knows who I am. He pulls my wrist and pulls me inside, dragging me with him into the apartment.

'Dimka, look what I found.' He shouts and smiles back at me. Dimka? I can hear someone stumbling in the apartment. Only moment later we reach the living room where Dimitri is standing. He is looking a little confused around him. A couple of bottles vodka on the table.

'Dimka, I have a surprise for you.' The guy says and pushes me towards Dimitri. He calls Dimitri Dimka. I'm wondering why. Large, big hands catch me and he looks down at me. A large smile on his face.

'Roza.' He says in a breath. He has been drinking, a lot. Glad I am not only one.

'Dimitri, I…' I try to say but before I can say more he has smashed his lips to mine. He is kissing me with a desperate accents. His arms wrapping around me, pulling me closer to him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him back.

I feel the electricity flowing between us. When he kisses me like this I just forget everything around me. His hands travel lower and under my shirt. The roughness of his hands over my back and stomach makes me shiver.

'Please, get a room.' The other guy says booming. His voice filled with laughter. Dimitri pulls back for a moment, his hands still under my shirt. Looks up at the guy and back to me before leading me away from the living room.

**M-scene  
**As soon as he slams the door of his bedroom behind him his lips are on mine again. Claiming my mouth as his and demanding the dominance of the kiss. I am happy to obey and wrap my arms tighter around his neck, bringing him closer to my body.

He pulls slightly back to pull my shirt over my head before he is kissing me again. Almost desperate to feel close. His fingers are gripping my hipbones and pushing his large bulge into my body. I groan and suck his tongue into my mound, making him moan.

'Roza, you're so sexy.' He says while he looks me up and down. I smile at him before stepping out of his grip. Giving him a little show while I take of my clothes. His eyes almost bulge out of his head when I stand in front of him naked, swinging my hips lightly.

'If you drop your clothes we can have a little fun on your bed.' I say and lay down on the king size bed of his. He stumbles and almost falls when he rips his clothes of his body. I can help but laugh at his action. So eager to join me.

He climbs up and hovers over me. His warm breath on my body while his eyes linger on my body, setting it on fire. I cup the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. His hand travel from my neck to my chest and he start pulling my nipple between his fingers. Making me moan loudly in his mouth.

We start a fight with kissing, biting, sucking each other every place we can reach. Our hands on the other body and rolling over the black sheets of his bed. One moment he is on top and his lips are on my breast, stomach, neck and jaw. The other moment I am on top and my lips are on his neck and the lobe of his ear while I pull his nipple with my fingers.

We keep up with this game until our hips keep bucking to each other and the ache of feeling each other becomes too much. I let him lay me down and push himself inside of me. Both moaning when he fills me completely.

He sets a slow and steady pace while our lips are connected. I tell him to get harder and he obeys. Slamming his body to mine and every time our hips meet the room fills with the sound of skin to skin and my loud cries. I tell him to go faster and he obeys. His head in the crook of my neck and his hips working in a frantic pace.

I tell him to even faster and even harder and he tries to obey my wishes but after a loud cry he falls on top of me. silent for a short moment before pulling completely out of me. I try to complain but he won't let me. His hands on my hips are demanding me to flip over.

I do as he wishes and he spreads my legs while he pushes my upper body to the bed. I obey and am in front of him on my hands and knees. He slams so suddenly and hard in me that I cry out and shoot forward. His hands on my hips pulling me back as he sets a hard and fast pace.

I feel the orgasm coming closer and closer as his fingers find my clit and start rubbing it. Soon I find myself falling over the edge and I yell his name as the orgasm consumes me. His large member swells and he finds his own release.  
**End of M-scene**


	7. Blink

**Already an update? Yes, you see it right. It's my birthday today and I thought as a gift to you I am going to update all my story's! So enjoy your gift and don't get angry at me ;).**

One_ minute. Only one minute and your whole life can change. A blink of your eyes. A single word. One moment you are just you and dealing with all your problems. And the next moment you don't have to worry about them anymore. You don't have to worry at all. _

_I was sitting in the chair by the window, reading. Reading the jungle book again. Actually too old for that book but it helps me escape for a while. Imagining other things and being somewhere else. _

_A knock on the door and the doctor came in. Doctor Wilson, doctor Belikov and my parents. Sad faces, already lined with grief. I remember that I didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to hear a single thing they would say. Because in that moment nothing would be right again._

_They sat down, next to me. On my bed and the other chairs. Filling my room with their present. Suffocating me. Talking about the chemo's I had, the radiation they gave me to kill the cancer. They put blood in me from other people. Bone marrow from an anonymous donor._

_They done this and done that. But the results weren't good. They didn't show them that I was getting better. That my body was healing or anything. They just showed them that everything was getting worse. _

_Maybe we should try another chemo? Another radiation? More blood? No, I told them. No more pulling and throwing with my body. No more needles and no more pain. I didn't want to live anymore. There was no point in living, I told them. _

_My mother cried. My father cried. Why didn't I want to live anymore? Why couldn't I see what it did to them? Yes, because I did all this because I wanted to hurt them right. Put myself in pain every day, living in hell every day._

_Looking at doctor Belikov I asked him what my chances at surviving was. When I stopped everything and when I continued everything. If I stopped, I would die. Within a couple of months, maybe weeks, the cancer would take over completely and I would die. _

_But with continuing chemo, radiation and more blood? Two to five percent chance at surviving. The smallest chance to fight and get better. To dance, run, life again. _

_Blink._

* * *

When I wake up in the morning the other side of the bed is already empty. I look around and take a good look at his bedroom. Nothing special in it. Only his bed, two small side tabled and a closet. I scoop up one of his shirts and slide it on. Enjoying the smell of him.

After a quick use of his bathroom I walk out of the bedroom. Following the sounds that are coming from the kitchen. My sexy Russian is, half naked, making breakfast. I slide my arms around his bare torso and place a kiss between his shoulder blades.

He turns and gives me a sweet and soft kiss on my mouth. We smile at each other and I wish we could do this every day. Just him, making me breakfast and being in each other's company.

'Sit, sit. Breakfast is almost ready.' He says and gives me a light pat on my ass. I give him a look but he just laughs and turns around, focusing on the pancakes. Only a couple of minutes later he places the plate with pancakes on the table and sits on the opposite side.

'Did you sleep well?' he asks me. The question so normal and casually, making me smile.

'I always sleep fantastic when I sleep next to you.' I say and he gives me a grin. Knowing that he feels the same.

'Why did you came by, yesterday?' he asks me and looks down at his plate. I wait for a moment but he isn't meeting my eyes.

'Do I need an excuse to come visit my boyfriend?' I say and at the mention of boyfriend his eyes shoot up, meeting mine. A small smile lingering his lips.

'Of course you don't need an excuse. I was just wondering.' He tells me and keeps his attention at his plate again.

'You were pretty drunk yesterday, why?' I ask him. Trying to change the subject we are talking about. I don't want to ask him yet.

'No reason. Ivan had vodka.' He says. So the other guy's name is Ivan. We both stay silent for a while and the tension I thick between us. I don't know what to say. He let out a sigh and I look up.

'Listen Rose, I love to have you here and all. But can you text me the next time you are coming?' he says to me but he doesn't look at me. Normally, I wouldn't mind. But there is something in his tone that makes my hair stand up.

'What, I can't surprise you with coming over?' I ask him, getting mad at him.

'No… no… Roza, listen.' He says but I hold my hand up. Making him stop talking.

'What Dimitri? You don't want me here? No, you do want me here. But you want me to text you or call you first, right? What do you have to hide, Dimitri? You have to make sure I don't see the other girls you are having?' I say to him. My voice getting louder and angrier with each word I say. I stand up abruptly, making the chair fall backwards.

He stands up with me and with two steps he is around the table and he grabs my arms. His glare is angry and his grip like steel. I'm not the only one who is angry in this room.

'I don't have other girls. What do you think you are talking about? And keep your voice low.' He says to me. Keep my voice low? No way.

'Get your hands away from me.' I say to him. My voice low and I lean my face closer to his. Staring him deathly in the eyes. He let's go and takes a step back. His hands in his hair.

'Why are you like this? I just asked you a simple question.' He says and somewhere I know that he is right. But I can't help myself. I still have the feeling that he is holding things from me and then this question. And I just turn into a jealous bitch.

'Maybe I should have listened to Sonya.' I mumble to myself. She already warned me to watch my back. I didn't listen and I jumped right into this relationship. Thinking that I knew everything about him after all those night we spend in that hospital room. But I guess that I don't know anything about him.

'What does Sonya have to do with us?' he asks me, frustrated.

'Nothing. But you are keeping things from me, Dimitri. And don't you try to deny me.' I say and point my finger at him. I'm angry and know that this isn't going to solve anything.

'And who do you think you are telling me that I are keeping things from you? You haven't told me anything about yourself.' He yells back. I thought I didn't have to because he already knew so much and I don't know much about him.

'Maybe we jumped into this to quick.' I say with a small voice. Wrapping my arms around myself. Trying to protect myself.

'Maybe we did.' He says. His voice soft but distance. My heart is breaking at his words. How did we end up from having just breakfast into this?

'Maybe we should break up.' I say, my voice broken and the tears in my eyes. Please, please Dimitri. Don't let me do this.

'Maybe we should.' He says.

Blink.

* * *

'What are you thinking? You are completely out of your mind. You know that right?' he yells at me. Days have passed since we broke up and we are at our work. Trying to ignore each other the best as possible. But for this moment we can't ignore each other anymore.

'You know I had to. You didn't listen to me.' I say to him. My voice calm and my hands out, palms up. We are standing in his office. His face red and his hands in his hair. I stand in front of him, being as calm as possible.

I have worked my ass of the couple days. Working late and with me a lot of other nurses. Two small boys, brothers. Both very, very sick. We started treatments and they worked for a couple hours. Then they were only worse and we worked harder.

First we didn't had a clue where it was coming from. How could it be that these two children were both sick, both the very same symptoms and not responding to the treatments. After a while it came into my mind that every time the mother visited that they were worse.

I told my suspects to Dimitri but he wouldn't listen to me. I told my suspect to the other nurses and they agreed with me. We ended up watching the mother and the children closer before and after the mother visited the two boys. We all came to the same shock that the mother was poisoning her boys. What kind of mother did that?

I went to Dimitri, again. We ended up fighting, again. And then he kissed me. He kissed me with such passion the whole world stopped. But only a minute later he pulled away. Sending me out of his office. Making no agreement on the little children.

Sending other nurses in his office to talk about it. He wouldn't listen and told us we couldn't make these kind of statements without proof. The children got sicker every time the mother visited. If that wasn't any proof. My shift almost ended and I was tired of it.

So I did something I shouldn't have done but I stood behind my decision. I went up to someone higher than Dimitri. My father. Something he didn't realize and a lot of other people don't. But my father, Abe Mazur, owns this hospital. I don't share the same last name as my father.

And that all ended up an investigation for the two small children. The mother was poisoning her children. Munchausen. And that all led me to her. Standing in his office.

'I don't have to listen to you! You are a nurse and I'm the doctor. You should be listening to me, dammit.' He yells at me and his hands are still in his hair.

'Oh, oh. I see. This isn't about me or those two little boys! You are just angry that you big ego got crushed.' I yell back at him. Getting furious at him. I saved to little boys and he ends up yelling at me? No fucking way.

'This isn't about my ego. This is about how stubborn you are. Thinking how you know everything. Well let me tell you, you don't know everything.' He just yells at me and throws a glass across the room. Not to me but at the wall.

'You can't just think that I am going to sit here and listen to you while children are dying because of your own stupidity.' I yell back. Great Rose that will help you.

'Grab your stuff and leave.' He says, much calmer now. Almost scary how much he changed in a second.

'Grab my stuff?' I ask him, confused.

'You are fired.' He says and turns his back at me.

Blink.

**Don't hate me. Don't hate me. Don't hate.  
****Alright, so what do you think Dimitri is hiding from Rose?  
And will this be the end of them?  
Leave your wonderful reviews :) and if you are not following/favoriting this story already... Go! **


	8. Job interview

_'__Roza, listen to me.' Dimitri tells me and he grabs my chin to pull my head towards his. He is only inches away and his eyes are panicked. Almost frantic. He is looking at me like he is losing his mind. Maybe he already has but who am I to blame him?_

_I swallow and nod. Letting him know that I am listening. This moment seems so intimate. It is hard to breathe when he is this close to me and I can smell his aftershave so clearly. I know I'm screwed. Who falls in love with her doctor? _

_And more important, what does the doctor feel for me? I can't help it to wonder if there is more between the two of us. We had so many talks the last months. Some of those conversations were the most ridiculous ones, talking about bananas and imaginary worlds. Others were so much deeper. Talking about true love and what we want with our lives. _

_And somewhere between meeting him and those long talks about true love, I fell in love with him. Not some silly crush or the feeling that I might like him. No, I became madly in love with him. Having butterflies in my stomach and that stupid smile on my face when I thought about him. _

_And in that moment he just fell on his knees. Begging me to start treatments again. Chemo, radiation, the whole package. He begged me to give it another chance. Just one. And if I didn't want to do this for me. I should think about him. He didn't want to lose a friend. That's what he said._

_First my heart started to flutter, maybe he was in love with me? But no, he just didn't want to say goodbye to a friend. Pathetic. I'm just pathetic. How can such a big and handsome man fall for a small cancer girl? _

_And with my heart breaking in that moment. In the moment I realized that he was just looking for a way to stay friends, I told him no. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. And that nobody just realized that I didn't want to life anymore. _

_He cried. Right there on the edge of my bed. And the only thing I felt was disgust. Disgust for this man that was supposed to be so strong. Now crying like a little boy because I didn't want to life for just being friend._

* * *

Pathetic, miserable, small. Haven't been out of the house for the last six days. Stuck in a sweatpants and a big sweater. His sweater. And I now that I should shower, put on some nice clothes and take a walk, outside. But I can't find the energy to any of that. Because what would make the difference? I just lost all the things I wanted.

I lost the guy I wanted for so many years. And somewhere in my heart I had still believed that I could get him back. That he would realize his stupid mistake by letting me walk out of his apartment and that we would be okay again. But after he fired me? I didn't have hope anymore.

And that was the tricky part. Because how can you live without hope? We all have to believe in something bigger. To hope for a better tomorrow.

Lissa made sure I ate every day. She sometimes just pulled me out of the bed and into the shower. Telling me that she won't live with someone who smelled badly. And even the other girl began to worry about me and take over my life. I just let them. Not even putting on a fight.

So, Lissa made sure that I ate and showered. And in the meantime she discussed her wedding plans with me. She wanted to have a Christmas wedding and only had a couple months to plan the whole thing. Because I was stuck at home she wanted me to make the cards and other decorations. She told me that if I didn't go to work or anything else, I should make myself useful to her services.

Mia just pulled me out of bed and put in me in front of the television. Feeding me junk food and telling me about her horrible dates. Sometimes she managed to make me laugh.

Sydney was a lot more efficient in somethings. She pulled me out of bed and made me wear some nice clothes. She send me to places where they needed new nurses. I lost the count of how many job interviews I have done in those weeks. But I appreciated what Sydney did for me.

Jill wasn't exactly helpful or anything. She just laid down next to me and told me about her day. I knew that Lissa or Sydney had sent her up to talk to me. Jill is very sweet but not very good with sad people. She told me that she was going to live with Eddie. Leaving us. And after she told me that I just send her out and told her to not come back.

And yes, I just called myself sad. Knowing that other people would describe me as depressive. I hated myself in this moment.

Even the guys came to see me. Adrian brought me liquor but after I drank so much I couldn't even stand anymore, the girls told him he couldn't bring anything to me. Christian filled me up in stories about how worse Dimitri was doing and that he fired 6 nurses in the weeks that I was away. That made me laugh so hard I actually fell of the bed.

Eddie just stood in the doorway with a sad smile on his face. I knew that Jill had told him that I had sent her away. But I couldn't even find the sorrow of my own actions. I send him away and after that I cried my eyes out. Feeling so miserable.

It had been six weeks since I was fired and that I started to live inside our apartment. The only times I came out was when Sydney dragged me to a job interview. But those interviews always led to the same things. They had better candidates or I wouldn't fit in their team. Bullshit. It made me pull my hair out of frustration.

First I was only heartbroken and I told myself I give myself a week before picking up my life. But the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into a whole month and I hadn't moved on. I couldn't forget the tall, big Russian that had captured my heart.

And I wanted to hit myself because he hadn't captured it. I had given it to him on a nice silver plate without asking anything in return. I hadn't been that stupid in my whole life. I was almost ready to beg him on my knees to take him back.

My phone rang in my pocket and I pulled it out with a loud sigh. It would be the answer to my latest job interview. Probably a no again.

'Rosemarie Hathaway.' I say and hold my breath.

'Hello miss Hathaway. Yesterday you had a job interview at the children's ward at our hospital. And we want to thank you for taking the time to come visit us. But we are sad to tell you that our choice fell onto another.' The nice lady says and I let out a shaky breath. Almost on the edge of tears.

'Well, thank you informing me.' I tell him. It's a miracle I can keep my voice steady.

'Can I tell you something Miss Hathaway? I need it to just stay between us.' The lady says, a little hesitating.

'Yes, of course.' I tell her. I became a little curious in what this lady wanted to tell me.

'When we get candidates for our free position we always check on their latest job. And when we called about you this guy, the doctor I believe, told us a little about you. And I don't know about what is true and what is not true. But he isn't very positive about you and I think that he is holding you from getting another job.' She says. A little fast and a little nervous.

My mind is numb for a moment. Taking everything in what she told me. And then the realization starts. That son of a bitch. I feel anger boiling in my body and I have to hold myself from throwing the phone to the wall.

'Thank you for telling me.' I say, trying to remain calm.

'No thanks. I hope you can find another job miss.' The lady tells me and then the line goes death. And in that moment I can't remain calm and throw the phone away. It smashes against the wall and I don't even take the moment to see if it is still working.

I jump from my bed and start pulling all my clothes of my body. Stomping to the shower and taking a hot and fast shower. Stay calm Rose. Please, please don't do anything stupid. But I know that it is already too late to tell me that.

After the shower I put on a nice dress and high heels. Not sure why, but it feels good. I stomp out of my room and through the kitchen. Mia and Sydney are both sitting on the kitchen island and giving me weird looks.

'Where are you going Rose?' Mia asks me, her brows raised. I give them a death glare while trying to find my car keys. Stupid things. I always lose them.

'I am going to kill someone.' I tell them and pull some cabinets open. Becoming angrier because I can't find those damned car keys.

'Rose, who are you going to kill? And why?' Sydney asks me. She stands up and comes closer. Her hands out to me, palms up.

'I am going to kill Dimitri. And can you help me find my damn car keys?' I tell them. My hands in my hair out of frustration.

'Why are you going to kill him? Not that I don't like it but you are already stuck here for six weeks. And you are only now thinking of killing him?' Mia states, her arms crossed over her chest.

'The son of a bitch is keeping me from getting another job.' I yell at them. Knowing that I don't have to yell but I can't keep the anger inside of me.

'Tell me and I bring you myself.' Mia says with a big smile on her face. The girl has some serious problems. But I love her. So I sit down next to her and tell her and Sydney what the lady on the phone told me. After I finish my story I am breathing hard and having trouble to stay still.

'Kill the bitch.' Mia says and stands up. Her car keys in her hands and a glistering in her eyes. Sydney tries to stop up but with one look she backs off and let me and Mia go.

I give Mia the address of his apartment and she drives me to it. It is probably better that I am not driving myself. I would end up in a car crash before I reached Dimitri's apartment. Angry and frustrated, I can't stay still in the car seat. It isn't helping that Mia is giving me suggestions how I should kill him.

After the longest ride ever we finally end up in the right street. I jump out of the car and yell a thank you to Mia. Wondering if I should bring the girl. Some of those suggestions were pretty good. No, no. I should do this alone. I'm part Mazur after all.

With long steps I walk through the lobby to the elevator. The man behind the desk calls after me but I give him one glare and keep walking. He wouldn't even manage to stop me. I could take him out. A smile forms on my face with the idea.

It is a good thing that Lissa wasn't home. She is sometimes just like a hippie. Always wanting to have peace and stay calm and talk things over. Mia and I are a little more the kind of person who hits first and then asks what the problem is.

With a loud pling the elevator stops at the highest floor. I step out of it but don't move after that. Getting a little nervous. I haven't seen his face in six whole weeks. How would he look like? Just as miserable like me?

With butterflies in my stomach and my blood running fast through my body I ring the bell. Don't back of Rose! You are mad at the guy and he deserves it.

The door opens and in there he is. Handsome as hell. Wearing only a sweatpants and no shirt. His hair is a mess and he has dark circles under his eyes. He rubs his eyes before looking at me again. His eyes big and his mouth a little open.

'Roza…' he says in a whisper. For a moment I stand there drooling over his looks before I feel the anger again. With a loud smack my hand connects with his cheek. Leaving a red mark in the form of my hand.


	9. Breaking

_The months were ticking away and only a couple months more before I would be vanished. That's what I thought back then. But it was actually a couple more weeks until I started to fight again. The fighting had nothing to do with the following moment. _

_As in a sick joke my hair was growing back and energy was returning into my body. And those two things made my mind thinking that I was healing, against all reason. But I think that that night was the first night that I felt lost. Truly lost, with no chance to be saved. _

_It was that night that I lost my mother. Not in the way most people think because she is still alive. But after that night she was just simply not my mother anymore. And I guess that that was also the reason my parents never spoke again. _

_I was eighteen and an adult actually. Almost turning nineteen and almost dying. My father came to me every other night. He was a big men and owned the whole hospital. The same hospital I was dying in. He talked to me and tried to give me reason. Discussed every single option with me. _

_And somewhere in the end he even discussed my funeral with me. We both cried. Writing some things down on paper and then when he left we agreed to never speak about that again._

_But my mother. My mother saw no reason. My other saw only her side of the story. The only thing she saw was a mother losing her daughter. And the way people pity with her. And people telling her what a shame it was when her daughter simply gave up._

_They didn't see what I had been through. They didn't notice all the scars on my body. All the pain I went through and how many times I had prayed to die. Yes, I had actually prayed. _

_And that night she lost herself. She screamed at me. What a disappointment I was to her. She said so many nasty things. Things that weren't true and that were just whispered into her ear. By people she thought about as friends. _

_I let her scream. But I screamed back. That she was a terrible mother and I was better off without her. She yelled back that she never wanted me. And somewhere between me yelling at her, her yelling back and Doctor Belikov storming in, she told me that if I didn't start chemo, I wasn't her daughter anymore. _

_And in that moment I decided that I didn't need her. That I didn't want her as my mother anymore. That night she lost her daughter and I lost my mother. And the most cruel thing? Dimitri trying to comfort me._

* * *

I hit him. I hit him! I HIT HIM! Oh my gosh what have I done? And he just stands there with his hand pressed against his cheek. His cheek with a red mark in the size of my hand! Should I run? Or should I hit him again? He turns his head back to me and the look in his eyes shock me.

I expect him to be furious. To have his eyes filled with anger. But they aren't! His jaw is set and his eyes are shining lust. From all the emotions they could be showing they are showing lust. What has happened with my beautiful comrade?

Two steps. Two steps it takes him to have me pinned between him and the wall. Our body's not touching but the electricity burning between the two of us. I feel the anticipation boiling in me and I look up. My eyes meet his and I let them go down to his lips.

My tongue darting out and tracing the form of my lips. I bite my lower lip but I have to hold myself from touching him. I am aching to touch him. To have him touch me. His hands on my body and his lips on my neck. A moan escapes my lips and as a cue his lips crashes down on mine.

His hands grabbing my hips, a little too hard. My fingers pulling his hair, a little too hard. Mouth on mouth and finger all over my body. We stumble backwards into the apartment and to his bedroom. Desperate.

**M-scene  
**I pull his shirt over his head and scrape with my fingernails over his chest. Leaving red lines. He growls and pushed me hard against the wall. His hand opening the button of my pants and his hand slide into my panties. I moan loudly and he is kissing my neck, biting a little.

'God, I hate you.' I say and he growls again. I push him away and give him a death glare. He steps back towards me and pulls my head back by grabbing my hair. He devours my mouth and pushes his tongue inside, claiming it as his own.

'Just shut up woman.' He says hoarsely and starts working on my clothes. He starts with pulling my shirt up as I start with unbuttoning his pants. Our clothes are leaving our bodies and he grabs my ass. Pulling my up and pressing me against the wall.

I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him even closer. His large cock is pressing against and I bite in his lip, hard. He spins around and throws me on the bed. The next moment he is hovering over me. He is touching, kissing, sucking and biting every part of my body he can reach. And I am touching, kissing, sucking and biting every part of his body I can reach.

Our playing is rough and it is definitely going to leave it marks. He pushes my legs so they are spreading and he pushing himself inside of me. We both moan loudly at the feeling of being this close again. I grip his shoulders hard and scrape my nails over his back.

Grabbing his ass and pushing him further inside of me. He starts this frantic and hard pace and I try to meet him with every trust. Hard, fast, loud. The only words to describe this with. Or maybe animalistic.

I come undone with a loud scream and my whole body is pushing itself of the mattress. He buries his face in my neck as he releases himself with a loud groan. Letting himself fall on top of me.  
**End of M-scene**

We are still lying in bed, both naked. I'm lying on my side, my head on my hand and I am watching his gorgeous body. My other hand is tracing patterns on his stomach. He has his eyes closed and a smile on his face.

'What does this mean for us?' I ask him and hoping that I didn't screw up with this hating question. I am afraid for the answer. I am afraid that he doesn't want me, even after having sex again. And I am afraid that he wants me because I don't know if I am ready to forgive him.

He rolls onto his side, facing me. He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. His eyes are searching mine and he caresses my bottom lip with his finger.

'I don't know Roza.' He whispers. His eyes are full of pain.

'Don't you want me?' I ask him and I feel the tears forming in my eyes. I was never the one to cry. Never the one to break over a guy. But this one, Dimitri, is different.

'I want you. I want you so much it scares me.' he says and places a small kiss on my lips. 'But I can't be with you at this moment.'

My heart breaks when he finishes his sentence. I don't understand it. I can't understand it. A tear escapes my eyes and he wipes it away.

'Why, Dimitri? Why can't you be with me?' I ask him, my voice unsteady.

'I am so sorry. I truly am. I have made such a mess of everything and I know that you are suffering from everything that I am doing. I just never thought that I would meet you again. And I never thought that I would see you again after that first night.' He says and his voice is full of sorrow. 'I thought I could fix everything and be happy with you.'

It's silent for a while. And his story is only leaving more questions in my head. He isn't giving any answers to the questions I had.

'This is your time to explain Dimitri.' I tell him. He nods and takes in a deep breath.

'I can't explain everything to you, my Roza. And I hope you can trust me on some parts. I have messed up big time in my past and I thought that everything was behind me. But somehow it followed me and I can't seem to get myself out of it.' he says, closing his eyes. 'I want you Roza. I want you with all that I am. But I have to figure everything out and finish things from my past before I am ready to give you everything you deserve.'

Should I trust him? What is he hiding from his past? He seems so broken right now but I really can't find the compassion I should feel.

'I don't know if I can. You ask me to trust you. You ask me to wait for you. But you aren't giving me anything Dimitri. I give you everything. I gave you all of me. And you just pushed me away and you are still pushing me away. But you still want me. I… I just can't do this.' I say and take a shaky breath. I sit up at the edge of the bed and place my head in my hands.

'Roza. I love you. I am in love you with you and I want to spent the rest of my life with you. But I have to fix this first.' He says. I feel the bed move and sits himself behind me, placing small kisses on my shoulder.

'Why don't you trust me? Why can't you let me in?' I ask him. I am hurting because he won't let me in. He makes me unsure of myself.

'I don't want to pull you into my mess, my beautiful Roza. I don't think it is fair to pull you into things that doesn't have to do anything about you.' He says. I shoot up and give him an angry glare.

'Doesn't have to do anything about me? What about you Dimitri? I wanted you. I still want you. So why isn't your business mine business?' I say to him, putting my hands on my hips. But he isn't focusing on what I am saying. His eyes are roaming over my body.

I let out a frustrated groan and start dressing. I can't have this conversation when he is only looking at my body. He joins me with getting dressed and pulls me to the kitchen afterwards.

'I want us to finish this conversation, please.' He says and sits me down. He takes a moment to prepare two hot chocolates and then he sits down on the opposite of the table.

'I don't want you to drag you into this because it isn't going to be nice. And I know that I am all cryptically to you. And I know that it isn't fair to ask you to wait but I don't know what to do Rose. I want you. I really, really want to be with you.' He says and grabs my hand. His look is pleading but I just can't give him.

'I am sorry Dimitri. But I can't promise you those things. I want to be with you. But I am not going to stand on the sideline waiting for you to change your mind.' I say and stand up. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. I know I am breaking both of our hearts.

'Please Roza. Stay.' He says and stand up to. I let him walk to me and pull me into an embrace. I hold him tight and try to remember everything.

'Nothing is going to change if I stay.' I say and pull back. I see the tears in his eyes and I swallow hard to keep going. I need to get out of here. I need to be away before I collapse.

'Promise me you wait for me.' he whispers. His hand outstretched to me but I don't give in. I shake my head and turn around. Walking towards the door. Leaving the love of my life behind me. Before I close the door I look back one more time. He is leaning against the table, tears on his face and his hand gripping the table.

'Don't sabotage my job interviews.' I tell him and before I pull the door closed I see a small smile on his face.


	10. His secret and a little plus sign

**I want to thank you all very much for your lovely reviews! It's a little hectic lately and I don't have the time to thank you personally, so I hope this will do it as well. I love it when a review turns a smile on my face. So keep going.  
****Just one little thing. Dear guest reviewer who is hating my story so much, no one is forcing you to read it!**

You_ would think that your birthday is a happy day but nothing is more wrong then that. Or it is while you are lying in the hospital giving up. And no one visiting you on your birthday. My father has called me to wish me a happy birthday and excusing himself that he couldn't come today. _

_And next to my father I have no one actually. My mother walked out of my life and Dimitri is a whole other story. I have to admit that I still want him and I still keep looking at him when he isn't looking at me. But those night when he sat by my bed are over. _

_One of the nurses brought me a cupcake this morning with a little candle on it. Together with two other nurses she sang happy birthday and let me blow it out. And what did I wished for? For Dimitri to kiss me. I am hopelessly. _

_Today I turned nineteen and I have never kissed a boy in my life. So many first times I won't be having now and I cried about it. I have never found love. I never found someone who loved me. And for once I wishes that there was someone. Someone who would hold me and who would kiss me. _

_'__Rose?' Dimitri's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. He is standing in the doorway in normal clothes, his ridiculous duster wrapped around his body and a small box in his hands. _

_'__May I come in?' he asks me and I nod. Moving a little to give him space to sit with me. It has been a while since he has come here without being my doctor. So I am wondering why he is even here. After he begged me to live for him I haven't talked to him. _

_'__What did you brought with you?' I ask him with a smile. It is already dark outside and with only the nightlight on it is like we are sitting in our own little bubble. He gives me a smile and hands me the box._

_'__It is a small present for you. Happy birthday Rose.' he says. A smile on his face but it doesn't reach his eyes. I start to unwrap the gift and as I open it I have to laugh. A real and hard laugh and it makes my whole body move. He has packed a donut for me. It has been the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. _

_'__I am glad you like it.' he says with a smile on his face. This time it reaches his eyes. I reach out and take his hand, giving it a squeeze. He takes both of my hands in his big hands. _

_'__I love it Dimitri.' I say and have to bite my tongue. I love you Dimitri. I am madly in love with you and if you would tell me that you love me too I would fight for myself. Don't Rose, don't. His smile falters and he just stares at me. _

_'__I am leaving.' He says and moves his eyes down. He is looking at our entangled hands instead of my eyes and it bothers me. My heart is breaking when he tells me that he is leaving. My whole world starts to crumble down. _

_'__Why are you leaving?' I ask him and I can't hide the sadness in my voice. _

_'__I can't keep watching people die.' He says. He can't watch me die, I think. He looks up again and the emotions are clear in his eyes. Sadness, anger and something I can't describe. It's something I will learn to call love. _

_'__You are running.' I say and he chuckles. _

_'__Yes, I am. You want to run with me?' he says with a twinkle in his eyes. 'We could live in a tree house in the middle of the woods.' _

_His response making me smile and making my heart ache. How I wish I could run with him to the middle of the woods. Forget everything that has happened and pretend to be happy together. But I know better than to wish that. _

_'__Can I do anything for you?' he asks me with a hopeful look in his eyes. Will you kiss me? I think it but won't say it. I can't say it. I shake my head no. _

_'__Nothing? Nothing I can do before you…' he doesn't finish his sentence. But he means die. Anything he can do before I die. _

_'__Will you kiss me?' I ask him and his brows raise up in surprise. Maybe he expected me to ask him to stay. Maybe he expected me to ask him to stop by sometime. He looks at me for a couple minutes, not saying anything._

_Then his eyes go from me to the door and back to me. He stands up so quickly and walks to the door. He is going, I went too far. But he doesn't go away. He closes the door and walks back to me, sitting next to me again._

_He cups my face with his hands and caresses my cheeks with his thumbs. His eyes go from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes._

_'__You are sure?' he asks me while he bites his bottom lip. I nod at him and bend my head a little backwards, looking up at him. He bends a little forward and I bend a little forward. Our heads, our lips, our noses, only a couple inches away from each other. _

_He bends further and his lips brushes against mine. My breathe hitches. His aftershave prickling my nose and filling all the air around us. He pulls back a little and looks me in the eyes. Brown eyes meeting brown eyes. _

_He rubs his nose against mine before bending forwards again. His lips meet mine again and this time in an actual kiss. My lips move with his and I close my eyes, enjoying this moment. I place my hands on his elbows. _

_His tongue traces my bottom lip and in a reaction I open my mouth. His tongue slides into my mouth and starts battling with my tongue. It's is the pleasant thing I have ever felt and the most weird thing at the same time. _

_Butterflies moving in my stomach and my whole body starts to feel alive again. It is like a battery slowly going empty and then you put it on a charger. That is how I feel in that moment. _

_He pulls back and stares at me for a moment. The tenderest look in his eyes. He gives me a quick kiss before he stands up and leaves the room. He doesn't even look back. My hand go up and I place my fingers on my mouth._

_If this is how it feels to love. To be loved. If this is only the slightest bit of how love is like I am not done with it. I want to feel this. I want to love and to be loved. I want to live to find love._

* * *

I am just putting my jeans back on after going to the toilet when my eyes fall on something. I grab it in my hand and stand there with my jeans still on my ankles and the small box in my hands. Shit, shit, shit. I can't believe this.

In a quick motion I have pulled my jeans up and tossed the box in a corner. I don't want to look at it. I thought I was screwed before but this is even worse. It has been five weeks since I walked out of Dimitri's apartment with the idea of never seeing him again.

I pace around in my room until I make a decision. I live with four girls in one apartment, they must know what I should do. Walking downstairs I knock on everyone's door and tell them to go downstairs.

It takes only a couple of minutes for them to join me and they look at me with questioning eyes. Even Adrian and Christian are here. I wish I could do this without they here.

'Rose, are you going to tell us why you needed us?' Lissa asks softly, taking my hand in hers and I look at her. Focusing on her. I take a deep breath and make myself ready for what I am saying and what I am thinking.

'I didn't get my period.' I say and am greeted by silence. I bite my lip and wait for their reactions. I am so screwed. I knew it. What do I have to do with a child? His child.

'Are you pregnant?' Mia asks. The first one to recover.

'I don't know. I haven't taken a test yet.' I answer her and let Lissa take me in her arms, hugging me close to her.

'Jill, we are going to buy pregnancy tests.' Mia says and she and Jill leave us. I am so glad for them to do this for me.

'It's going to be alright Rose. I promise you.' Lissa says and smiles at me. Trying to be happy and not show me her concern. It isn't working.

'Is it Dimitri's?' Sydney asks while sitting on the other side of me. Wrapping me in her arms. Now I am a sandwich between Sydney and Lissa. I just nod at her and try to hide the tears that are forming. How can I be pregnant from his child?

It takes Mia and Jill only twenty minutes to buy the pregnancy test and they shove them into my hands. They sent me to the bathroom to pee on them. First I had to wait until I could pee again and now I am waiting for the tests to show me the results.

'Lissa, will you look for me. Please.' I say and look at her with pleading eyes. I can't watch it. It can't be happening. I can't be pregnant. What do I do when I am pregnant? I am twenty-five, single and don't have a job.

'It positive.' Lissa says and we are all silent for a moment. Then a loud sob escapes my body and I start crying. No, no, no.

'Oh sweetie. It isn't the end of the world. You will be a good mother, you know that.' Lissa says and hugs me close to her. I won't be. I know that I can't be a good mother. Look at the person who was supposed to be my mother. How can I do better when I had a terrible example.

'Rose?' This is Christian. I look up at him and see him sharing a look with Adrian. 'Do you want us to kill Dimitri?'

Christians question makes me laugh and now I am laughing and crying at the same time. I try to catch my breath but just give up after a moment. Hiccupping and laughing and crying. I shake my head no to them. How much I would like to hurt him in this moment I know that I can't. That they can't do that.

After all Dimitri is the father of this child. And how scared I am at this moment and how scared I am to be a terrible mother. I know that I could never give this baby up. Knowing about his existence only for a couple minutes and already feeling protective about him.

'You know that I am just as guilty for getting pregnant as he is, right?' I ask him. He makes a gagging gesture.

'I don't want to picture you having sex Rose.' He says, making me laugh again. I dry my eyes and look at them. Looking at every one at them and sigh loudly. Dimitri is going to be a father. Now I have to see him again. Even when I don't want to.

'I have to tell him, right?' I ask him and I hear 'yes' and 'yeah' from them.

* * *

I am nervous and a little trembling when I am standing in the elevator that goes up to his apartment. I am going to tell him that he is going to be a father. And secretly I am hoping that he is going to like it and that he will be there for me and for our child.

I talked for a couple of hours with the girls and Adrian and Christian. They reassured me that I would be a good mother and that they will be there for me. Lissa made me even promise that she is going to be the godmother of my unborn child.

And even when Dimitri doesn't want me and he doesn't want our child. I have six people standing behind me to help me with this baby I am going to have. I place my hands on my still flat belly and smile a little. I am going to have a baby.

I stand in the hallway of his floor and stare at his door for a couple of minutes. I am afraid to ring that bell. I am afraid that he doesn't want me and he doesn't want our child. I am afraid that he won't believe me that it is his child I am carrying. And I am afraid that he does want me.

I take a deep breath and ring the bell before I can chicken out and run out of this place. It is tempting, I have to admit. I hear moving on the other side of the door and the following moment the door opens. But it isn't Dimitri or Ivan opening the door.

No, instead of that a tall woman is standing in front of me. She is thin and has raven black hair. There is a large scar on the side of her face. But I can still see that she is a very pretty woman. Beautiful even.

'I am looking for Dimitri.' I tell her. Feeling a little weird under her stare. Her eyes changing and her whole body changes. She wraps her arms in front of her chest and glares down at me.

'So you're the girl who is sleeping with my husband.' She says.

**So, Rose is pregant? What do you think will happen now that she is pregnant?  
****And now we all know Dimitri's secret!  
****And last thing... This chapter had the last flashback/memory in it! I hope you have liked those too.**


	11. His side

**We have reached over the 100 reviews and I can't even tell you how that makes me feel. I am proud and happy and so much more. So here is a bonus chapter to give you a little gift for reviewing. This is entirely in DPOV so you will be able to understand his side in this story a little.**

**DPOV  
**How can I have my everything messed up? Losing Rose. Fighting Tasha. Tasha meeting Rose. Three scenarios I didn't want to see. I was ready to go spend the rest of my life with that one person. That one person who meant everything for me. But now I have lost it all.

The first thing, Rose. My precious, beautiful Roza. I know I haven't been fair to her and that I should've told her the truth about everything. But I was scared for reasons I will come back to.

I had met this woman years ago when she was still a teenager and very, very sick. But even when she was so sick you could still see the fire in her eyes. And even without her hair and her face swollen because of the medicines you could still see that she was this beautiful young woman. A true heartbreaker.

But she never got the chance to be a heartbreaker. I loved those night where I could just sit in her room and talk with her. I felt a connection with her that I shouldn't have felt. And I know I lost it when I begged her to fight and gave her the weakest excuse. I should've told her that I was in love with her. Maybe then she wanted to fight.

And when I watched the fire in her eyes became less and less, I made a decision for myself. I needed to go away from there. From her. I wasn't ready to lose her yet. So I left her to be haunted by the dreams about her. And that kiss I gave didn't help at all.

Meeting her all those years later in a club was like a dream and a nightmare in one. She was so beautiful and finally I got the chance to be with her. To make my feelings clear to her. Because all those years without her hadn't helped to heal. And I also felt the guilt. How could I have left her in that hospital room when she managed to survive?

It were those things that were eating me alive. And the fact that I was still married and couldn't be with her in the way I wanted. Because I wanted to drop to one knee and propose to her. I wanted her to become my wife and to be stuck with her for the rest of my life.

But I had to finish a couple of things before I could give myself fully to her. And that somehow ended up with breaking up. It broke my heart but I thought that way I could have my chance to fix everything and then show up at her door again. I had it all planned.

But then the case with the poisoned brothers came by and I was mad at her for not following my orders. I shouldn't have fired her but seeing her every day and not be able to kiss her was killing me. And she shouldn't have gone to her father. I knew that he was head of the hospital but I hadn't seen him since I was hired. And back then I hadn't gave it another thought.

They didn't share their last name and it was so many years ago. But then she showed up at my ward. And then she went to her own father because I didn't believed her. That was the moment I figured out that he was her father. Stupid of course. But even her father couldn't save her from being fired and they both knew that.

I had the most fun when I got calls from people asking me about Rose. She was finding new work but I wasn't ready to let her go just yet. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to have her beautiful furious face. I wanted to beg her to wait for me. And how could I have done that better than to sabotage her job interviews.

Yes, I could have done it easier and show up at her doorstep. But she would have kicked the door shut even before I got the chance to say her name. And when she would have let me in her friends would have kicked me out. This was the best solution that I could think of.

And it worked. But I never planned to sleep with her again. That moment was still haunting me. The feeling that I had used her for my own pleasure. And then asking her to wait for me. But she came back with the normal reply. I didn't gave her anything and I couldn't gave her anything. Not as long as my divorce papers weren't signed. But I couldn't tell her that. I wanted to have her far away from Tasha.

And that brings me to the second thing. Tasha. I have met her when I was still going to school in Russia. We had most classes together and somehow ended up as friends. I know better know. But back then Tasha asked me for help because she didn't understand some of those classes. And the person I was, I helped her.

She was funny and sweet. She was a little bit older than I was and beautiful on her own way. Her face was covered with a large scar that she got from a car crash. In that car crash she lost her sister and her brother-in-law. Only she and her nephew Christian survived and they went to live with Tasha's mother. An older lady that couldn't take care of them anymore. So Tasha took care of Christian.

She was going through a hard time and I was her only friend. When Ivan met her he told me that I should run as far as I could from the girl but I didn't believe the things he said about her. He told me that she was the reason the car crash happened and so many more things.

I pushed Ivan away so I could still be hanging out with Tasha. When school finished I took her to our prom and that night I kissed her. After that kiss we ended up in a relationship and only a couple of months later we got married. I thought I was in love with her.

But I didn't want to give up my future plans and I went to America to become a doctor. I could have done that back in Russia but I wanted to move to the big country. Tasha said she couldn't leave Christian behind and stayed in Russia for that time.

Somehow I ended up coming to America with Ivan. That was something that Tasha didn't liked either. We had a big fight about that and we still hadn't fixed it when I got on the plane to leave her for a long time. But I promised her that she was the only one for me and that someday she could follow me.

I wished that I had known that she never wanted to leave Russia. She didn't care about my plans or dreams. All she cared about was her own. And in her dreams I was her husband and working some shitty job back in Russia so I could stay with her.

The first three years went by and I visited her as much as I could. That was not more than twice a year. After those years we had more fights and grew more apart. She wanted me to follow her dreams instead of mine but I wasn't ready to give it up.

And then I met her, my Roza. She changed my world and then the whole person I was. Tasha noticed and moved here for a couple of months. It was then that we fought a lot more because she didn't liked who I was and blamed me for it. She told me that I had changed and blamed me from having an affair. I didn't. I was always faithful to her.

She would be leaving in another month when she told me she was pregnant. At that it was my child. First I believed her and I was so happy to become a father. But after one doctor's appointment all my happiness was over. She was three months pregnant while she was in America for two months. She wasn't pregnant from my child.

I sent her away to Russia without me. Saying that our relationship and marriage was over but I never let her sign the damned divorcement papers. I wasn't ready back then. I wished I had just let her sign those papers so I shouldn't have been dealing with her anymore.

After I met Rose in that club I went to my lawyer and he made those divorcement papers for me. I sent them back to Russia and that ended up with Tasha coming here. She begged me to give her one more chance. To give her a chance to explain herself. I told her that she could come but there was no explanation that could made her cheating right.

She wanted me back. She wanted to save our marriage. We had been married for fourteen years now and I hadn't seen her in seven years. That was how long our marriage was over. It couldn't be fixed anymore but that didn't stop her from becoming mad. And nog mad in a good way. She is a lunatic. And I couldn't believe I hadn't seen that before.

Everything that Ivan once told me was true and that was the reason that I didn't want her close to my precious Roza. I didn't want to think about all the things that Tasha could have done to her when she knew I had been happy with someone else. Even when she lost that privilege.

And that was exactly what happened when Rose showed up at my door. I still don't know what she did there but I wished she hadn't come to see me that night. Tasha was just about to sign the stupid papers and go back to Russia. But after that she didn't want to sign anything.

And before I could do anything Tasha had dragged Rose into the house and they were both sitting on my couch when I got home from a shift. One look at Rose and I wanted to apologize for everything that Tasha had said to her. It couldn't have been anything good.

Rose was nearly crying and she wasn't the person to cry. I had expected her to have murdered Tasha or at least punched her. But I guess that Tasha's evil mind had somehow stopped Rose from being who she normally was. The girl had slapped me when she found out that I had sabotaged her job interviews. But now that she found out that I was married, nothing of that fighter was there.

And I didn't know whose fault it was. Mine or Tasha's. But the strong girl sitting on my couch was broken. And I didn't know any more if anyone was able to fix her. She looked small, even smaller than in the years she fought cancer.

But Tasha sat there with a smug smile on her face. Her body radiated power and the look in her eyes told me that she was proud at herself. Proud for what she had done or for what she had found out. I still don't know. But it made me hate Tasha even more.

And it made me hate myself more. I don't know how much Tasha's fault was. But I knew that I was responsible for breaking Rose. For breaking her heart and even the person she was. And that was also the moment I found out how much power I held over her.

That is how our divorcement ended up in a huge fight. It took me a weak, two lawyers and Christian to sign her the newest papers. I gave her more than she deserved to get but I just wanted to have her out of my life instead of fighting until she didn't get anything anymore.

But after that week of fighting and finally be divorced, I had nothing to live for anymore. All my hopes of getting Rose back had flown out of the door. It was my fault and I knew that.

**Before you are giving me a lot of questions about it... I will come back to Christian's part in the next chapter. **


	12. Christian

**I don't know if it was unclear for more people. But in this story Dimitri is 32 and Rose is 25. **

Today was Lissa's wedding and it was the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen. She was so happy and was so excited to marry Christian. I believe she had the fairytale wedding she wanted since she was a little girl.

It had taken us three different shops and like a hundred dresses before she found the one that was perfect for her. She actually had cried when we found that months ago. And after that she would talk to me every day about that dress and if Christian would love it.

But I knew that he would love it. And I think that this day was the first time I actually saw him cry. He looked handsome in his black suit. But no one looked as good as Lissa did. A long, white dress. Full of lace and fitting her body like it was a second skin.

The ceremony was intimate and personal. And after two short hours they were officially married. They were finally mister and missis Ozera. And after that day Lissa would be moving out of our apartment and they would move in a perfect house outside the city.

I am standing by myself in the now empty ballroom. The pretty bridesmaid dress still on and the high heels in my hands. In my other hand I have the bouquet that I caught. They say that the person who caught the bouquet is the next person to marry. But I don't think that I want to get married anymore.

My heart broke even further when I found out that Dimitri was married and I still can't believe it that he didn't share that detail with me. If he had just told me that he was married and the rest of what he needed to tell.

I have thought about it a lot when I couldn't sleep at night. And when I sat at home during the day because I still couldn't find a job. A week has passed since I showed up at his doorstep finding Tasha. His wife.

I had been excited to tell him that he was going to be a father. I had thought about so many ways to say and he could have reacted in so many different ways. But I never got the chance to say to him that I am carrying his child. And he isn't going to find out.

Tasha had dragged me into the house and told me so much about their relationship. Later, I would find out that they were lies. But in that moment I thought they were the truth. That they had a happy marriage and that he would leave America soon to join her in Russia. She even told me that they had a child together.

I had believed her and not only my heart broke when I sat there on the couch. My whole being broke. Everything I had stand for and everything I had believed in. I became a home wrecker in that moment.

Dimitri had ended up bringing me home. That ride had been the most awkward thing ever. He had tried to apologize. To comfort me. But I had just sat there, crying, and had pleaded him to stop talking. I didn't want to hear his voice anymore.

It had been Christian who had told me the truth. Poor Christian. It had been a morning when I thought I had been alone in the apartment. I had cried the whole night and the morning I was throwing up. Stupid morning sickness.

He had held my hair back and rubbed my back. After that we had sat there on the bathroom tiles, me crying, his arms tightly around me. It was the first time he had told me the truth about his youth. His aunt Tasha had lived with him and her parents.

After a mysterious car crash they had been the only two who survived it. He told me that he had been sleeping in the car. It was a road that his father had driven a million times. There were no other people on the road and the car turned out perfectly fine. But after that his aunt was a little crazier than normal.

He told me that his aunt married soon after finishing high-school. She and her new husband were fighting a lot and after that he left for America. After he left Christian had never seen him again and being eleven at the time, he didn't remember him.

Tasha had apparently became a mad woman. Acting like she was a single woman in Russia. But as soon as she came home she slipped on her wedding ring and acted like nothing happened. Talking to her husband every day and telling him how much she loved him and missed him. Lies, lies and more lies.

After a couple of years she had left for a couple months to visit him. She came back earlier and still acted like nothing happened. Telling him that she was pregnant with his baby and saying that he would be home soon. But that didn't happened and Tasha brought a baby boy into the world.

Christian had believed that Dimitri had been the father of her baby until the real father had showed up. After that he had seen more and more fractures in her personality. She wasn't the kind and caring person he thought she was. She was cold and only did things when she wanted to.

The day after turning eighteen Christian had fled out of their home and moved to America. Hoping to escape Tasha for the rest of his life. But then she had showed up here and claimed that she and Dimitri were back together.

That was the biggest lie he didn't believed. Because he had seen me and Dimitri together. He had told me that Dimitri had truly loved me and he was doing the right thing. Not that lying to me was a good thing. But keeping Tasha away from me was the right thing.

And after all that he had helped Dimitri getting his divorce from his crazy aunt. She has begged him to let her back into his life. But even Christian wanted her far away from him and from Lissa. So just before their wedding he put her back on a plane to Russia.

But the most shocking thing he asked me to do, was giving Dimitri another chance. And even when I wasn't ready for that. He asked me to tell him that he became a father. Dimitri had talked to Christian when they were fighting Tasha. He had asked a lot about me.

And I know that Dimitri would be a perfect father and that he would love the child that I am carrying around. But I wasn't ready to see his face again. To hear his voice and his pleading to take him back. I would have another seven months to tell him that he was going to be a father. So there was no hurry.

'Rose?' a soft voice asks and I turn around. Abe is waiting for me and I give him a weak smile. My father, who doesn't know how to handle his sad daughter. But even when he has no clue in what he needs to say or what to do, he showed up to pick me up.

'Old man.' I say, he grins at his old nickname. I didn't like him when I first met him. So the thing to annoy him was to call him old. Something he wasn't at the time. Still isn't. He hasn't even turned fifty yet.

He walks towards me and sits me down on of the chairs before sitting next to me. His hand gripping mine but he doesn't look at me. Maybe he has showed up way to late in my life. But made up for the time that he missed.

'I am looking for a way to fire him.' He says. I chuckle lightly. Since he found out that I had been dating Dimitri and he had broken my heart, he wanted to torture him somehow.

'You don't have to fire him.' I say and he looks up in surprise. He enjoyed making his plans about what he wanted to do. But since he was the owner of the hospital he needed to do things with following the rules.

'But I want to.' He tells me. His brown eyes, that are matching mine, standing honest. My father would kill someone if that would keep me out of jail.

'I am pregnant.' I say, surprising myself. I hadn't told him until now. His brows shooting up even higher in surprise before his whole face turns into anger.

'I am so going to kill him.' He says and I see the wheels in his head turning. Seeking for a way he can do that without getting caught.

'Don't.' I say.

'But he took advantage of you.' Abe says. I shake my head and look at him amused.

'I slept with him, willingly.' I say and hear his protest coming. He doesn't want to hear about his daughter's sex life.

'You know you don't need him. I can provide for you and your baby. You don't need Belikov in your life.' He says. Spitting out his last name. No title or even first name.

'I know. But I think the baby needs to know his father.' I say and I see surprise in my father's eyes again.

'His?' he asks me. I shake my head. In my head the baby is a boy but I don't know which gender the baby has. It is way too soon to know that kind of things. I only went to the doctors to confirm the pregnancy. But I have to wait until the third month has passed before I get my first echo.

'I don't know which gender the baby has.' I tell him and see disappointment in his eyes. I think I am not the only one who wants my first child to be a boy.

'Have you told him that you are pregnant?' he asks me and I shake my head. We sit there for a moment in silence before I hold up the bouquet I caught. He laughs and shakes his head.

'So, now you are pregnant and the next one in line to get married?' he asks me, still laughing. I join his laughter and let my head fall on his shoulder. Enjoying this moment with my father. They have begun to clean the room but don't say a word about our presence.

'Baba, can I live with you?' I ask him, surprising us both with the question.

Three night ago I had a talk with the girls. Lissa is moving out to live together with Christian. Sydney told us that Adrian and she had made plans to move in together as well. That way we would end up in this apartment with just the three of us. And the apartment would be too expensive for the three of us.

After that we talked the whole night about it and decided it would be the best thing if we all moved out. Jill is probably going to live with Eddie and Mia said that she could live with a couple friends of her. I was the only one who didn't know where I could live.

Lissa offered that I could live with her and Christian. But who wants to live together with newlyweds? I didn't. So I still have to find a new apartment. But without a job I don't have too much choice. And somehow it would bring me a lot of peace thinking of living with my father.

'Of course you can live with me.' he says and I see a slight hint of tears in his eyes. I wrap my arms around him and bury my head in the crook of his neck. We sit there for another moment before we pull back at the same time.

'Let's get you home.' he says and stands up.


	13. The baby

**This may seem a little sad at the beginning but keep reading. I promise you it is worth it!**

Here I am, lying in the big white hospital bed. Nobody around me to comfort me or to be there for me. I have pulled my legs up to my chest and have my arms cradled over my stomach. Silent tears running over my cheeks.

And in that moment I am so sure that I have lost my baby. Lost the little baby that Dimitri and I have created. And my mind is spinning. I have lost my baby. I have lost his baby. Even when he wasn't in the babies life yet, I loved that it was his child.

It is somewhere past two in the middle of the night. I can hear the doctors and nurses in the hallway but for half an hour nobody came in. Nobody came to check on me and I feel so lonely. So broken. How I wish that Lissa was here. How I wish that she wasn't on her honeymoon.

I woke up around one with a weird feeling. Tossing and turning but I couldn't find the right way to sleep. Couldn't find the right sleeping form. So I pulled the covers of me to find the biggest shock in my entire life. Blood.

There was a lot of blood on my pajama pants and as I pulled it off me my entire panties were covered to. I didn't feel pain or anything like that. But I knew immediatly that so much blood loss wasn't right. It couldn't be right.

The tears were streaming over my face while I tried to clean myself. And when I got dressed again I found out that nobody was home. There was nobody but me in the whole apartment and I panicked. I sat on the barstool for another ten minutes before I pulled myself together.

And that was when I decided that I needed to go to the hospital. I couldn't wait until the morning to find out what happened or if my precious baby was still alive. The nurses on the ER took me with them to a single room. They explained that it was a very busy night but that the doctor would come the moment he had time.

It had been half an hour since she sad that and left me here. So now I am here alone waiting until I can finally someone. Until someone will tell me the news I am suspecting. It is in this moment that I wished that I had told Dimitri that he was going to be a father. Because I could have called him if he knew.

'Hey sweetie. How are you doing? Can I call someone for you?' a nurse asks me. She is probably in her fifty's. She pulls a chair towards the bed and sits with me. I wipe my eyes and run my hand against my nose.

'Can you call my father for me?' I ask her. I don't want to be here all alone. And I don't want to bother one of the other girls. They are sweet and everything but I don't want them here. But somehow I want my father to be here.

After Lissa's and Christians wedding we talked about me moving in with him and we planned to make that happen when Lissa was moving out as well. And after that it somehow happened that everyone is leaving the apartment. I guess it was time for us to move on.

'Sure I can do that. Give me his number and I will call him.' She says and I smile at her. Thankful for her help. I give her the number and she eyes it for a moment before her eyes get bigger. Guess she noticed that he is the owner of the hospital.

'Anything else I can do for you?' she asks me. I shake my head no.

'The doctor will come to you soon.' She says and rushes out of the room. Maybe I should've said my father's name earlier. But I know how busy the doctors can be at the ER and I am not the most important patient this night.

It takes her only five minutes before she has returned to tell me that my father isn't able to come. She tells me that he needed to go to the other side of the country and isn't back until tomorrow. Guess I will be here alone after all. She asks me if she could call someone else but I tell her no and she leaves the room.

The tears come back harder when I realize I have to find this out on my own. I could call Sydney or Mia or Jill. But somehow I can't find the ability to call them. I just wished that Abe would be here or Lissa. Lissa would know what to say and do. And Abe would just hold my hand and be as nervous as I am.

'Roza.' A deep and familiar voice asks and I swallow hard. My breath become more labored and the tears start running faster. But I don't turn around. I don't look up to see him. To see his beautiful face.

I can't stand him to have to look him in the eyes. I don't even know what he is doing here but I can't tell him why I am here. I can't tell him that I was pregnant with his baby and that I lost it. My body wasn't even able to keep this baby.

I let out a sob and my body starts trembling. I hear him let out a sigh and the following moment I feel his large hand on my hip.

'Oh my Roza.' He says while he rubs circles on my hip.

'Please don't touch me.' I whisper. I can't stand the touch of his hands on my in this moment. He takes his hand of my hip and I feel regret in the following moment.

'Roza, look at me.' he says, his voice soft. I shake my head and don't turn around. Don't want to see him now.

'What are you doing here?' I ask him without making an effort to look at him.

'Your father called me. He told me… He told me what happened.' He says, his voice faltering for a moment and I hear the sadness in his voice. He sounds so broken.

In the same moment I am so angry at my father for calling Dimitri. But I am also so relieved that there is someone here with me. And that I don't have to do this alone now. But still not really sure if I want him here with me.

'You can leave if you want to.' I say, closing my eyes. Please don't leave. Please don't leave. I feel his presence behind me until I hear his footsteps. But instead of coming around the bed or something I hear him walking further away from me. He is leaving.

I hear the door close and let out a full sob. He left. I made him leave. But in that following moment I feel the bed dip in and feel him wrapping his body around me. He spoons me from behind and his arms snake around me.

He makes little comforting tones and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. They are all in Russian and I don't get anything what he is saying. But his presence around me. His arms around me, holding me, is enough for me.

And in that moment I know that that is enough. Him just being here. I need his support. I want his support. I grab his hand and tangle our fingers together. Laying them both on my stomach.

'Why didn't you tell me?' he asks me as my tears started to dry. I bite my lip for a moment. Reminding why I didn't tell him.

'I wanted to.' I say in a whisper.

'But why didn't you?' he asks me again. I grip his hand tighter and feel him tighten his grip around me. It gives me the courage to tell further.

'I wanted to. I even showed up at your door but…' I say and not wanting to continue. Hoping that he will realize when I had wanted to tell him about the pregnancy. I can feel in the way he stiffens that he realizes when I was supposed to tell him.

'I am so sorry Rose. I have no way to make it right to you and can only tell you that I should've told you about it myself.' he says. He is damned right that I should've heard about his marriage from him and not finding out the hard way.

'Miss Hathaway?' a new voice comes from the door, startling us both. I can hear the uncomfortable cough coming and feel Dimitri leaving the bed. I turn around to see the doctor coming in the room. Finally.

'Dimitri?' he asks surprised as he sees him. They make a little conversation before he returns his attention towards me.

'I am sorry for the delay. Can you tell me what happened?' he asks me as he sits down on the chair next to my bed. Dimitri stands on the other side and grabs my hands as I tell him why I am there. I feel Dimitri's hand tighten at the idea of the possibility that I lost the baby.

'I am going to get an echo machine and then we will check out your baby. If you will take of your pants and your panties in the meantime.' He says and leaves the room. I look up at Dimitri. Why do I have to take of my panties?

'You are only seven weeks along. He can't check our baby through your belly.' He says and raises his brows. Oh, I get it. I know that I blush and Dimitri chuckles. He helps me up and even helps me with taking of my clothes. It does feel a little awkward.

But the way he says our baby doesn't go unnoticed by me and it makes me feel a little better. Even with the chance that I had a miscarriage.

'Alright, let's get started.' The doctor says and moves himself between my legs. I look up to Dimitri the whole time the doctor moves between my legs. Feeling a little awkward and uncomfortable with his hands there.

I feel the coldness of the echo machine pushing inside me and I can't help to shiver. Dimitri bends down to press a kiss on my forehead as he grips my hand tighter in his. I know that he is trying to be there for me and to make this a little more comfortable for me.

Suddenly the room fills itself with a soft sound of a rapid heartbeat. That sound is possibly the best sound I have ever heart. The weight that has been pressing on my shoulders has lifted and happy tears are dropping from my eyes. As I look up to Dimitri I can see the glistering in his eyes as well.

'Congratulations to you both.' The doctor says with a smile. He pulls the echo machine out and moves from between my legs. Dimitri bends down and pressed his lips against mine. And I let him in that moment. I even kiss him back. Too happy to think about it.

'You can put your panties on again. I will be back in a moment.' he says and walks out of the room. Probably to give us a little space. His hands cups my cheeks as he deepens the kiss. I tangle my hands into his hair. Only happy to respond to him.

'I can't believe it. I am going to be a father. We are going to be parents.' He says with a happy and goofy grin on his face. He presses another kiss on my lips before he pulls back suddenly. A concerned look on his face.

'I… Rose… Will you give me a chance to be his or her father?' he asks, a little nervous. I bite my lips for a moment to not laugh at his look.

'Of course you are allowed to be the father.' I say with a happy smile. And the smile he gives me then is worth it all. I am so happy that he is this happy to have a baby. He gives me a quick peck on the lips before I get the chance to put clothes on me again.

The doctor comes in again and gives us a little more information. He doesn't know what caused the bleeding. It can sometimes happen during the first trimester of the pregnancy and it is harmless for the baby.

He also gives me the advice to make an appointment with a gynecologist to check the baby out again. And after that he tells me that I can go home. Which end up making me and Dimitri standing outside the hospital looking awkward at each other.

He shrugs the duster of his shoulders and wraps it around my shoulders. I give him an appreciated smile. I have left the house without a jacket or anything. The warmth and smell of his old duster is a welcome gift at the moment.

'Do I need to come with you to your apartment?' He asks me. He looks a little unsure and I feel the same. Not entirely knowing what to do.

'You don't have to. I will be fine.' I say. Please don't leave me, is what I think.

'Is there someone home?' he asks me and I shake my head.

'No, but I came here with my car so I can drive myself home.' I say and he already shakes his head.

'You are not driving. And you are not going to be alone the entire night. You can go home with me.' he says and I hear the hopeful tone in his voice. I have to bite my lip to keep the amused smile inside.

I nod and surprise him by taking his hand in mine. Tonight I don't want to think why I am mad at him and what happened between us. Tonight I don't want to be heartbroken and sad. I just want to be happy because my baby is still alive and safe inside my belly. And how can you be happier than share that moment with the father of your child?

**I had the rewrite this chapter three times before it didn't end up sad... But I think I finally succeed in making a little happy ending. **

**I have already written the next chapter for this story and it can be yours on Tuesday night! You have to give me 20 (or more) reviews and then I will be posting it. I know you can do it so go for it because I think you will like the next chapter. **


	14. Marry me?

**I didn't got the twenty (or more) reviews I wanted. And I have been thinking about not updating or updating. But I got still 18 reviews for last chapter so I'm not going to be a bitch about it. This is the newest chapter and specially for those 18 reviewers!**

'Where are we going?' I ask him suddenly. I had been thinking about everything since we had left the hospital. But I now notice that we aren't taking the route to his apartment. We are actually on the road that leads out of the city.

'We are going to my place.' He says with a smile. He reaches over and takes my hand. I let him for this moment. Still to happy that I haven't lost the baby.

'But this isn't the way that leads to the apartment.' I say. He chuckles and shakes his head.

'I sometimes sleep in Ivan's apartment because it is much closer to the hospital. But I have my own home outside of the city.' He says to me. I push his hand away and wrap my arms in front of my chest. Even more things he hasn't told me about.

He tries to take my hand again but I even turn away from him. Well, as much as the seat allows me. I hear him sigh beside me.

'Come on Roza. Don't be mad at me.' he says.

'Don't Roza me.' I say and turn to him. He gives me one of his looks but I give him an angry glare.

'What is bothering you?' he finally asks me, his voice even a little desperate.

'You have more secrets to tell me Dimitri. Because it seems like you have been keeping a lot from me.' I say. He let out another sigh before taking in a deep breathe.

'I know I should've told you about Tasha, alright. But I didn't think you would be so mad about a house. I haven't been there in a month. Mostly I am in the apartment with Ivan. And I bought this house for when my family comes visit me.' he says. I know it isn't really fair for me to be this mad but I can't help myself.

'But why haven't you told me?' I ask him.

'I didn't think it would be such a problem Rose.' he says, a little angry himself this time.

I turn away from his again and look out of the window. I want to forgive him and give him a second chance. But I keep being angry at him. Maybe I should give him the chance to explain himself. To tell me why he did what he did and everything.

'Don't be mad at me.' he says and as I turn to look at him he gives me a pout. This is my time to let out a sigh and I reach over and take his hand in mine. I decide that I haven't forgiven him but that doesn't mean that I should act like this.

The rest of the ride is only filled with the sound of the music playing on the radio. He has some kind of country station playing. I have my head leaned against the seat and my hand is still in his. I watch him while he drives.

It takes us half an hour to get to his house. I guess that is the reason he stays at Ivan's most of the time. He hasn't spoke to me and I haven't said a word to him either. I just looked at him while and watched him while he was thinking.

'We are here.' He says suddenly. He has shut the engine and it's dark around us. It is still in the middle of the night or early in the morning. He steps out of the car and the next moment he has opened the door on my side.

'You coming.' he says with a small smile. I take the hand he has reached out for me and step out of his car. He wraps an arm around me and leads me to the path. The lights suddenly go on and it takes me breath away.

It looks like something of a fairytale. Lights on both sides that lead to a beautiful white house. It isn't small or anything. But it isn't extravagant. The house looks like the perfect family home. Something I have dreamed of my entire life.

While we keep walking I take in every detail I can see. The house looks more and more beautiful when we are coming closer. There is a small stairs that leads to the front porch of the house. Only four steps up and we stand in front of the front door. I feel eager to look inside of the house.

Dimitri unlocks the door and leads me further inside. We stand in a small hallway with two closed doors on each side of it and a stairs that leads upstairs. He locks the door and opens the door at the left side. It leads to the living room.

One side of the room is fully covered with bookcases. Two couches are standing in the middle of the room, making a L-form. In the corner is a television that faces both of the couches. Another door leading to an unknown room. One wall has a huge window in it and on the last wall is family portrait.

I leave Dimitri standing in the doorway and make my way to the portrait. Dimitri is standing on the right with his arm around an older woman and he is smiling. I assume the woman is his mother. There are three other woman that I can be sure of that are his sisters. Further are two man on the portrait and five children, two boys and three girls.

'My mother, Olena.' Dimitri says and points his finger to the older woman standing next to him.

'My oldest sister Karolina and her husband Theo. They have three children. Paul, Zoya and Alisa. Next to her is my other older sister Sonya. Her husband Dawn. They have two children, Olya and Pasha. She is also very pregnant at the moment.' he says and I see a smile on his face as he tells me about his family.

He has mentioned them before and talked about them before. But I haven't seen a picture before and it is nice to see. They look so much like each other. I lay my hand on his back to remind him that he hasn't finished with talking.

'Ah, yes. And as last my baby sister, Viktoria. She is even a year younger than you are. I am still hoping she doesn't get married soon and have babies and all that stuff. She is way too young for that.' He says with a scowl on his face.

'You have a beautiful family Dimitri.' I tell him, being honest about it. He looks down at me and gives me a huge smile.

'That brings me to the fact that we need to talk.' he says, more serious now. I feel a little nervous when he tells me that. We both walk to the couch and sit down next to each other. Our bodies not touching.

'What were your plans Rose?' he asks. I let out a sigh and drag my hands through my hair. It is four in the morning and I don't even know if this is the right time to talk. But I don't think that I have a choice.

'Can we talk about it after we slept?' I ask him, a little hopeful. I am feeling so tired and nothing sounds more appealing than sleep. But even better would be sleeping in his arms.

'I… I just want to know about our baby.' He says. He doesn't look at me while he says it and I can tell that he is a little unsure about it.

'I haven't figured it out yet. I know that I want to keep it. And I was going to tell you that you were going to be a father Dimitri. But I don't know how I am going to raise our baby and how you are going to fit into the picture. I know that I wasn't going to keep the baby away from you if that's what you are worried off.' I tell him.

He seems to think about it for a while before sliding closer. A smile forms on his face and he takes my hands into his large ones. His brown eyes boring into mine.

'Marry me Roza.' He says and I almost choke. He asked what? I feel my eyes widen and my mouth opens and closes a couple time before I can form a normal sentence.

'I am not going to marry you.' I say and see the hurt in his eyes. 'We don't even have a relationship and you are not even divorced for a whole week. Are you out of you fucking mind?'

Anger rising up in me with his ridiculous question. I am not going to marry him only because I am pregnant with his baby. Only a couple of hours ago I would do everything I could to avoid him. He is lucky enough that I came to his home with him. He doesn't have to push me.

'I love you Roza. I am so deeply in love with you. Why shouldn't we get married? I mean, you are still in love with me. At least I hope you are. And now we are expecting a baby.' He says, his voice a little faltering when he talks about me being in love with him. I am absolutely not going to correct him. Because I know that I am still in love with him.

'I want to make the commitment to you that I am not leaving you or our baby. That I will be there for the both of you. Even when things get rough.' He says and I see the sincerity in his eyes. I pull my hand back to cradle his cheek.

'Shouldn't we have a relationship first before we are taking these steps?' I ask him. This crazy man just wants to jump into another marriage after having the worst divorce you can have.

'You want to have a relationship with me?' he asks hopefully with a happy smile on his face. I chuckle and shake my head.

'Maybe.' I tell him. I have to bite my lip to keep the smile inside of me.

'I can life with maybe.' He says and gives me a quick kiss on my cheek. I move a little clumsy as he does the same. And with that we end up in a snuggling position. I take a deep breathe to inhale the delicious sent of him and I decide to not pull back.

We stay in that position and I lean my head against his chest. The loud thumb of his heartbeat filling my ears and lulling me to sleep. I close my eyes and let myself drift to sleep.

'How many children do you want?' I hear him ask suddenly. It wakes me up and I chuckle.

'Who says I want to have more children with you?' I ask him. He pulls back and looks me in the eyes. A worried look in his eyes until he sees that I am messing with him.

'Tease.' He says. His fingers moving to my sides to tickle me. I squeal and try to avoid his tickling fingers. My body is moving uncontrolled and I feel myself fall to the ground.

I slip my arms around his neck and he falls with me. My back hits the ground and his large body falls on top of me. He moves himself up on his elbows so he doesn't put his weight on me. His eyes twinkling and a smile on his face.

'You happy now?' I ask him. Trying to be pretend that I am angry at him. But he smiles and nods at me. I try to tickle him but he grabs my hands and pulls them above my head. His face is only inches away as he does that and his breath is tickling my cheeks.

I let my eyes move between his eyes and his mouth. Then I decide to just follow my heart. I reach up and capture his lips with mine. His lips are soft but still a little rough and just moves against me with the right vigor.

'I am still in love with you Dimitri.' I spill out and the happy face he gives me is worth it. I know that we aren't fixed yet and there is a lot more to come. But with him by my side I can handle it. Even when he lied about Tasha.

**So I already told you that I needed to change the chapter before this one three times before it didn't end up all sad. But is does mean that Rose is going to get that baby. And that means that I need a baby name! Tell me what you love for names and if you want it to be a boy or girl!**


	15. The next morning

**I know that this is smaller than my other updates but I was having a little trouble with this chapter and I don't have time to write today so I thought it would be better to update something than to let you wait for another week. **

I wake up somewhere around noon. For a while I don't recognize the room I am in. But then I remember everything that happened in the past night and my hands travel towards my abdomen. A smile forms on my face as I remember that I am still carrying our child inside of me.

I am lying in a big bed but the other side of the bed is empty. And it is cold. Has he even slept next to me? I don't know. The last thing I remember is our talking and our snuggling on the couch. I don't remember going upstairs or lying down in this bed.

My feet hit the cold floor and I look around. Searching for my socks. I am still wearing my shirt but my pants and socks are missing. And I don't see them anywhere around me. I stand up and search the room and the bathroom but my missing clothes aren't anywhere around me.

I stand there for a moment thinking about going downstairs like this but the floor is so cold. So then I decide to just search through his closet. I find a pair of black socks and a large sweater. The sweater comes hallway my thighs. And the socks are longer than they are meant to be. But they are nice and warm.

After I am warm enough I start to go downstairs. A smell of baked pancakes and his voice lead my way towards the kitchen. He is on the phone while he is baking. And when he sees me he gives me one of his full smiles while he continues to talk on the phone.

I don't understand what he is saying so I assume that he is speaking in Russian. When I am close enough I wrap my arms around his body. Surprising him and even myself. After everything that happened I just want to be close to him.

After everything I have been through and everything that he went through it isn't the right thing to stay mad at him. He didn't handle things the right way but he did it for the right reasons. He did it for love. And isn't that the only thing that matter in the end?

I have been sick for so many years and a long time of my sickness I used to fantasize about Dimitri. And even when I got better I couldn't stop fantasizing about him. I wanted to meet him again and have a shot with him.

Now I do have a shot with him. The things with Tasha weren't easy and us breaking up was the hardest thing I had to go through. And I don't believe in soulmates or meant to be. But if I have any choice in who I am going to spend the rest of my life with. The answer is easy.

The thing is that we don't know each other very well and that we weren't dating for a long time. But now here I am in his house. With my arms wrapped around his waist. And I am pregnant of his child. Our child. And I want to raise this baby with his or her father around.

I don't want to be a single mother like my mother was. And I want them to know his or her father from the beginning. I just want to learn from the mistakes that my parents made. And how can I do that any better when I stay stubborn and keep pushing Dimitri away.

So somewhere between the hospital visit and waking up in his bed I decided that it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the pain, the screaming and the crying. I am done with being sad and depressed. I am done with being alone.

I want to fall asleep in his arms every night and seeing his face every morning when I wake up. He is the father of my first child and he is probably the love of my life. So I am not going to deny him anymore if he want to be in my life. In our life.

And by the way he wraps one arm around me and places a soft kiss on the top of my hair, I don't think that he wants to be without me. We have a long way to go but if I am able to hold his hand the entire time I know that I will find my way through it all.

'How did you sleep?' he asks me as he cups my cheeks so I have to look at him. My eyes lock with his beautiful caramel eyes.

'I slept perfectly.' I tell him and yawn a little. He chuckles as he pushes me lightly to a chair. Demanding me to sit down while he finishes breakfast.

'Was that Russian?' I ask him, being curious. I turn towards him and I see him nod.

'My mother called me. She couldn't sleep.' He says and laugh a little. I raise my brows at him as he looks at me.

'You know my family still lives in Russia. So mostly we call when it is very late here and very early there. Or the other way around. So when she calls around this time she can't sleep. They are coming to America in a week and she is very nervous to flight. So she will be like this for the entire time until she is here.' He tells me.

'How long are they staying?' I ask him. Feeling a little nervous.

'A whole month.' He says with a huge smile. But the smile disappears as he sees me watching him with big eyes. What am I going to do? Am I not going to see him for an entire month? Or am I going to meet his family? And what is his family going to think about me?

'Roza relax.' He says and he takes the couple steps towards me, crouching down in front of me. 'I will let it be your choice if you want to meet them. But I would love it if you decide to meet them. They are going to love you. I promise you that.'

'Don't they think it is weird that you have a new girlfriend so fast?' I ask him and he chuckles again. He shakes his head and bends towards me to give me a quick kiss.

'My marriage with Tasha was over for a long time and they have been asking so many times if I have a new girlfriend. So they will be very excited when they hear that I have a new girlfriend.' He tells me and my heart starts beating faster this time.

'Am I your girlfriend?' I ask him. My eyes a little big and his eyes getting bigger when he realizes what I am asking him.

'Only if you want to be my girlfriend.' He says and takes my small hands in his larger ones.

'I would love to be your girlfriend.' I tell him. I bend down at the same time as he stands up a little. Our lips meeting in the middle in a gentle kiss.

'You look so sexy in my clothes.' He says and he stand up completely. I smile at him before he turns around and grabs our breakfast or lunch or brunch even. He places it on the table and sits down next to me.

'I couldn't find my clothes.' I tell him and he laughs. Apparently he remembers what he has done with them.

'You took them off in you half-sleeping state you were in. They are still lying in the living room.' He tells me between bites. I feel myself blush at the thought that I have done that in front of him.

'Have you slept next to me?' I ask him. Trying to change subjects. But he shakes his head and I feel a little disappointed that he hasn't slept next to me.

'I didn't know if you were comfortable with that so I slept in one of the other bedrooms.' He tells me. His eyes telling me that he wanted to sleep next to me.

'I want you to sleep next to me.' I tell him and grab his hand. We both stare at each other with stupid goofy grins on our faces. And I can't believe that this incredible Russian man is mine again.

We finish breakfast in a comfortable silence and afterwards I help him wash the dishes. When we finish the dishes he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to his body. I wrap my arms around his waist and let my head lean against his chest.

'What do you want to do today?' he asks me. I think about it for a moment until I yawn again. I really didn't had enough sleep last night. Maybe I could go back to bed?

'Sleep?' I ask him hopefully and he laughs. But he pulls me with him towards the stairs. I guess that we made a plan for today. And I feel myself blush to think that I am going to be in one bed with him again.

'Just sleep Roza.' He says as he watches my face. I blush even harder when he realizes where I was thinking about. I don't say anything when he drags me towards his bedroom, the bedroom I woke up this morning.

When he closes the door behind him I wrap my arms around his neck and look at him through my eyelashes. He smiles a little before he bends down and kisses my lips. I push myself against him as I kiss him back.

But before things can get to heated he pulls back and sits down on the side of the bed. I pull his sweater of me again and undo myself from his socks. After that I let myself slide between the sheets and wait for him.

I watch him as he undress almost completely. Only letting his boxer briefs on before he let himself slide beside me. He lays down on his back and I snuggle to his side. His arms wrapping around me and I wrap one arm around his waist.

'I will never let you go again, Roza.' He says and he places a soft kiss on the top of my head. I bend my head backwards to look at him and receive another kiss from him. I let myself roll on my stomach a little more and cup his cheeks so that I can kiss him a little better.

He rolls us over and deepens the kiss even more. We got entangled even more and we end up gasping for air. He looks at me with love in his eyes and his fingers caressing the skin on my arm. I feel myself falling deeper and deeper in love with this incredible man.

**I named this story 'Love over healing' because of a song. Maybe you should listen to it if you have time. It is called Love over healing. And it is from the band Kane. So just give it a try if you want because I think that it fits the story. **


	16. Picking up his family

He has one hand on the wheel and the other lays lightly on my left leg. His fingers drumming lightly on the fabric of my jeans as he hums with the song on the radio. It is a country song but for once I can't find the reasons to discuss it with him.

I am busy with typing on my phone and a frown appears on my face when I go through my mails. Every job interview that I took leads to the same answer. We have found someone who better fits with us. And even after Dimitri stopped sabotaging them they didn't want to hire me.

'What are you thinking of?' he asks and as I glance his way I see a worried look on his face. I give him a small smile before I tell him about the job interviews and my successes to find a job again.

'I am sorry Roza. I shouldn't have fired you.' He tells me, being honest. And even when it comes way too late and it isn't helping me, I appreciate him apologizing. And I should tell him that I forgive him but that is not the thing that I say.

'You shouldn't have.' I say instead and I immediately want to take back those words. Not because they aren't true but because I don't want to have another fight. I love the way we are now and I don't want to keep lingering on old things.

'You could always stay home and take care of our child.' He says with a smile after a while. I see in his eyes that he likes the idea but before I can think twice about if or even consider it a deep growl leaves me.

I hear him chuckle and he grabs my hand. He looks my way for a short moment before focusing on the road again. He already knew that I wouldn't like the idea of staying home. It is not that I don't want to take care of my child, our child. But I don't see myself that way.

'You would be good at it. Making me lunch and having dinner ready when I come home. The house clean and the baby taken care of.' He teases a little more and I smack him playfully. He laughs out loud and I give him an angry glare.

But somewhere when he says this all I can hear it in his voice. The part that tells me that he somewhere means it. That he would want someone that stays home with his child and take care of everything.

'Dimitri, is that what you would want? Someone that stays home?' I ask him. He gives me one quick look and his face changes when he sees that I am serious about it.

'I just… My mother was home a lot when I was little and I had always pictured it that way when I would have children. The mother of my children staying home with them. At least until they would go to school.' He tells me and squeezes my hand.

'But I know that that isn't you. I knew from the beginning that you weren't that kind of person Roza. And wouldn't want you any other way.' He tells me and gives me one of his full smiles. But even with his reassuring words and his smile it doesn't make me feel better.

'I feel like I have taken something away from you.' I tell him and with the way he stiffens beside me I know that this comes as a surprise to him. He had his whole life planned out and maybe that things weren't going the way he wanted. But things aren't going the way I wanted. And I don't want him to stay with me only because I am having his baby.

'Roza, please listen to me. I don't know how many times I have to repeat this but I will until you start to believe me. I love you. Only you. And I have loved you for a long time and you never left my mind since we met years ago. There is nothing that will stop that and nothing that will keep me away from you. I am here for you as long as you want me.' he tells me and I feel tears in my eyes.

And I don't know if these tears just well up from hormones because I am normally not the person that cries a lot. But I have to wipe a couple of tears away before I press a kiss on his hand.

'I love you Dimitri. But sometimes it feels like I am taking away things from you. And don't give me that look. Because maybe you don't feel it that way or see it that way. But I can and I am worried that someday you will finally see it and walk out of my life. Our life.' I say and my voice breaks at the end as I think of our child.

He stays quiet after that and I want to think the worst of it until I notice that he moves the car in the parking lot. He turns around as much as he can and cups my cheeks in his hand. His lips meeting mine in a long and soft kiss.

'Don't ever doubt yourself, me or our relation Roza. Maybe we didn't start this the normal way and have already went through a hard time. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. I just want you by my side. I want to call you my girlfriend and hopefully someday I can call you my wife.' He says when his eyes are boring into mine.

'Aren't you going to regret it Dimitri? Giving so much up to be with me?' I ask him, my eyes looking away from his brown orbs.

'What did I have to give up Roza? Nothing, really nothing. Because you are my reward. You are worth everything.' He tells me and before I can respond he has pressed his lips against mine, once again. His lips firm and telling me everything that words can't.

'You ready?' he asks me as he pulls away. I swallow hard and nod at him. We were on our way to the airport to pick up his family. I finally decided at the last minute that I wanted to meet them.

A week has passed since we got back together and in that whole week I haven't slept without him. We went once towards the apartment I share with the girl to pick up some clothes but the other times we just stayed at his place.

He still needed to work so when he went away I just started to explore the neighborhood. It takes only a quarter to walk from his house to the shop. And when you are there you can explore a little more. Dimitri didn't like me going alone but there was nothing he could do about it.

It is nice there and I can see our child growing up. I just wished there were more houses around so we wouldn't be so isolated. Secretly I have been thinking more and more about moving in with Dimitri so we could our child together.

We haven't talked about it and I am not ready to start that conversation. But I know that when this child is going to be born that we will somehow live together. And I like that idea.

Somewhere in that week he had one of his phone calls with his mother when he suddenly pushed the phone in my hands. Before I could think about it again I had a conversation with his mother. She reassured me that she was completely okay with me and Dimitri being together.

And after that we talked for another hour and a half before we hung up the phone. It was so simple to like the woman and to trust her. And now I am with Dimitri to pick her up. Pick up his entire family.

When we arrive at the gate we still have some time left before the plane will land. So we end up sitting on the chairs. Well he is sitting on the chair and I have settled myself in his lap. His arms around my waist and my arms around his neck.

But before I can start talking again his phone goes off and he has to pick it up. When he finishes the phone call he lets us stand up. He tells me something about other gate and we get walking again. I feel myself getting nervous when I am so close to meeting his family.

A large group of people is standing there looking around. Dimitri pulls at my hand and at the look on his face I can see that the group is his family. He is very excited now he sees them again. I let his hand go and rushes himself towards them.

I stand still and watch them. It is al happy talking and hugging. Suddenly they all turn towards me and I feel myself getting shy. It is not that I don't like getting attention. But they are important to Dimitri so I want them to like me.

Before I can think about it too much they have walked towards me and the older woman, Olena, has pulled me into a hug. And I wrap my arms around her and let her. And after I let go of her I am pulled into another couple hugs before I feel Dimitri by my side again.

And they tell me their names and babble happily about everything. But it takes me a while to pull myself together and join them. But with them talking half Russian and half English it is hard to follow what they are talking about.

So I let myself fall back so I am walking with Dimitri and Olena. And even they are talking in Russian but Dimitri grabs my hand and squeezes. It is nice to just feel his touch. Even when he isn't talking with me.

* * *

He lays the shirt he wore that day on the end of the bed and his hand brushes against my arm. I smile at him as I pull my shirt over my head. And I feel his eyes on me as I let my bra slide down my arms and pull his shirt over my head.

I lean in and place a kiss on his chest. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his body. I lay my head against his chest and wrap my arms around him.

'You have a really nice family, Dimitri.' I tell him and I feel his smile.

'Thank you. They liked you to.' He tells me and he lets me go.

I let my pants fall to the ground and step out it. He keeps following me with his eyes and I give him a grin. Someone is finding it hard to let his eyes fall to anything other than my body. Something that I like.

'See something you like.' I tell him as I bend over to get my socks off. He suddenly turns the other side while he strips down of his clothes. After he strips down to his boxer briefs he takes the two steps towards me and smashes his lips towards mine.

He slides his hands under my shirt and he pulls me closer to him. I let myself lean into him but after a moment I pull back and push him back a little.

'Dimitri, I don't want to rush things.' I tell him as I rest my hands against his chest. Not meeting his eyes as I tell him that. His finger touch my chin as he lift my head up to meet his eyes again.

'Don't worry about it. We can wait.' He tells me and gives me a quick peck on the lips. I smile at him as we settle in the bed. He pulls the quilt over us and we snuggle closer.


	17. Lissa is back

**Because I have made a major change in the story I needed to rethink that story plot and that was mostly the reason that I went from my plot. With this chapter I hope to come back to the new plot I thought about in my sleepless nights. **

'Rosemarie Hathaway, get your but home now!' Lissa's voice demands through the phone and before I am able to answer her she has hung up the phone. I try to blink the sleep out of my eyes and realize what is happening.

'Who was it?' Dimitri's sleepy voice asks as her reaches over and collects me in his arms again.

'Lissa.' I tell him. Lissa and Christian came home yesterday from their honeymoon and it was only a matter of time before Lissa would demand me to come home again. Something the other girls tried but they didn't manage to get me home.

'I need to go home.' I say to him and reach out to tuck a strand of hair beneath his ear.

'You are home.' he mumbles, still half asleep and I chuckle. It's sweet. Really, really sweet. But we haven't talked about it yet.

'Dimitri, wake up.' I say to him while I leave butterfly kisses on his face. He cuts me off from doing that by pushing his lips to mine in a sweet kiss.

'Go back to sleep.' He says as he bores his eyes into mine. I shake my head and turn around to look on the clock. It is already nine o'clock in the morning.

'I need to go home Dimitri.' I tell him and he gives me a pained look.

'This could be your home too.' He says as he rubs his eyes. He sits up and leans against the headboard. I move myself in a sitting position with my legs fold beneath me.

'We will talk about it, alright? But now I first have to deal with Lissa.' I tell him and leave the bed. I grab some clothes and walk into the bathroom. Dimitri following me.

'Why do you have to run of like this when Lissa calls you and tells you to come home?' he asks me as he sits down the closed toiled seat. I start brushing my hair and look at him in the mirror.

'Lissa is like a sister to me. And if I don't go she will track me down and you don't want to see that girl mad.' I tell him and point at him with my toothbrush. He laughs as he lets me brush my teeth.

As I spit and wash my mouth he is suddenly behind me and he wraps his arms around my waist. Pulling me close so I am flushed with my back against his chest. His head leaning on my shoulder as we look at each other in the mirror.

'I don't want to let you go.' He murmurs as he presses a kiss to my neck. I lay my hands on top of his and smile at his words.

'I will come back Dimitri.' I say as I turn in his arms. He has a thoughtful look on his face and I stand up on my tiptoes to kiss him so that expression fades away. I kiss him for a while until I eventually push him back a little.

'Now let me get dressed and go to Lissa.' I say. Avoided to say that I am going home to him.

* * *

'Rose, what have you been doing?' Lissa asks as we let ourselves fall down on the couch. It is a surprise for me that Christian isn't around. But I guess that he didn't want to hear this conversation between Lissa and me.

'I so need alcohol for this.' I say to Lissa who gives me a blank look. Not sure what to say until I grin at her. She seems relieved after that. I wouldn't do anything to bring the health of my baby in danger.

'No more jokes Rose. Just tell me. When I left you were still devastated with Dimitri and you were planning to live with your father. And two weeks and when I go home you are practically living with the man you still hated two weeks ago.' She says and throws her hands in the air.

And when she says it like that I can understand it perfectly. It may seems weird and probably to more people than just Lissa. We have gone way to fast but I don't know how to stop that now when it just feels so good.

So I tell Lissa about what happened that night when I woke up with my stomach aching. How Dimitri had showed up and stayed with me. To him bringing me home with him. Our talk after that and how I just ended up staying at his place.

When I am finished Lissa has wrapped her arms around me and we needed a little break after telling her about the baby. And in that break we just picked up some ice-cream from the fridge and two spoons. But now we just sit there and both of us staring in front of us.

'I am just worried that you end up getting more hurt then you already were.' Lissa says eventually. I shrug my shoulders to let it slide away from me, not wanting to think about that possibility.

'No, listen to me Rose. He can be all pretty words and nice promises now. But is he that same person when you are all cranky because you are eight months pregnant and can't see your toes? Is he going to be that same person when you are both desperate for sleep because the baby won't stop crying in the night?' Lissa says and I know that she has a good point in that.

I let out a sigh and look at Lissa. I don't know if he is going to be that person if it comes to that. And I don't know how I will be when that time comes around. But I don't think that you could ever tell that about a person. You never know how someone is until you see them that way.

'He asked me to marry him.' I tell her. Maybe that tells how much he means the things he said to me.

'What did you say?' Lissa asks sharply, her eyes going down to my hands.

'I told him no, Lissa.' I say to hear and hear her let out a relieved sigh. I let my hear rest on her shoulder and grip her hand tightly in mine.

'Would it have been a bad thing if I had said yes?' I ask her but I already know what her answer is.

'Yes, it would Rose. You are not marrying a person who has hurt you like that. Are you thinking about marrying him?' she says and she turns so she can look me in the eyes.

'I am thinking about moving in with him.' I tell her, being the honest I can be. She shakes her head before she starts talking.

'Don't do that Rose. He doesn't deserve you. And especially not after what he has done to you.' She says with a pleading look.

'Then what am I supposed to do Liss. I am pregnant with his child. I am in love with him. I want to have a future with him.' I say to her. Feeling desperate for her approval.

'I am not saying that you should deny your future with him. I just want you go a little slower. What if you are living together and have the baby and there is something new that you find out about Dimitri. Something that you don't like.' Lissa says but gives me a pointed look when I try to tell her something.

'I agree that he should be in the baby's life Rose. But it feels really simple that he has you back with an apology and some nice promises. That when he looks your way you just give everything up to please him.' She says and I want to deny it. But one look from her and I hold it in.

Not because she is entirely right. But because she isn't entirely wrong. I would do everything to have him. And Lissa knows that.

'You could just live with Abe for a while. Or move in with me and Christian. That way you can build your relationship without being together all the time. And you can always move in with him when you are further along in your pregnancy.' She says and I find myself thinking about it.

It isn't a bad idea. How tempting it is to pack all my stuff in boxes and move into Dimitri's house, our relationship isn't at the point where it should be for moving together. Not that I want to live with Lissa and Christian. But I could always move in with Abe. Something I already asked him.

'I just want you to be happy.' Lissa says with a smile on her face. I smile back as I lean my head against the couch.

'I know, I know. And your idea isn't bad or anything. I just don't know what to do anymore. I never pictured that I would be in this mess.' I tell her and feel the tears in my eyes. Stupid hormones.

'Why don't you just sit Dimitri down and talk about it. Really talk and don't let yourself get distracted by the way he looks at you or the way he starts kissing your neck.' She says and we both and up laughing at that.

'You need to talk about that?' I ask her with raised brows. Clearly she is annoyed by it when Christian does that.

'No, he is just stupid sometimes by distracting me. It annoys the hell out of me.' she says and groans loudly. Before she looks at me and we both start laughing again. Suddenly she turns all serious again and looks at me.

'But serious Rose. Why don't you talk with him?' she says and folds her arms before her chest. She isn't letting this go.

'I don't know Lissa. I don't want to disappoint him or make thing more difficult between us. And his family is here so I have no idea when I am able to get him alone long enough without falling asleep.' I tell her with a loud sigh.

'You already met his family.' Lissa says with her brows raised and I nod.

'They are nice Lissa. You would like them. Especially his younger sister Viktoria.' I tell her. Secretly pleased that she is distracted again.

'Alright, so we need to set something up so you can talk with him.' Lissa says with a huge grin on her face. I let my head fall on the back of the couch with a loud groan. Not liking where this is going.

'Don't worry about Rose. I will figure something out.' she says and she pats my hand.

'Please Lissa. Just let me do this on my own.' I plead her but the look she gives me tells me that she isn't going to do that.

'Yeah, like telling him that you are pregnant?' she asks and we both know that is a mean one but we both ignore that fact. We stay silent for a while after that. Both thinking about the fact that I need to talk with Dimitri.

'I told the others to come home tonight. We need to talk.' Lissa says, breaking the silence between the two of us.

'I guess that we are all ready to move on, huh.' I say and look around the apartment. Remembering what we have been through in the time that we have lived here with the five of us.

'Yeah. I guess that we are all on that point in live where we want to move in with the one we hope to grow old with.' She says with a dreamy look. Someone is thinking about Christian.

'Except Mia.' I say in a desperate voice before we both start laughing.

'If that girl would just admit that she would be happier with a woman and started looking for woman instead of spending her time with meaningless man.' Lissa says and we both sigh loudly.

We have been telling the same thing to Mia, over and over. But the girl won't listen to us. She keeps repeating and repeating that she likes man and not woman. And we aren't sure if she is trying to convince us about that fact or herself.

'But let's talk about something happier.' I say with a grin. 'Tell me all about your honeymoon. I am so jealous.'

A happy and dreamy look forms on Lissa's face before she starts her story. Christian had made it a secret for Lissa where they would be going to their honeymoon. And they had ended up going to Hawaii.

And with the way Lissa is and the happy way she is telling me all about her honeymoon and spending time with Christian, lucky for me she skips those parts where it gets all hot and steamy, we end up talking about it for the rest of the morning and a part of the afternoon.

When we are finished we move upstairs to our bedrooms and end up in Lissa's. I help her pack her stuff into boxes and sort her belongings. There is a part that she is keeping, a part that is actually mine and there is a part that she is going to get rid of.

It feels good to spend the time with my best friend again and suddenly I realize how long it has been that it was just the two of us. And how much I have missed her. Her happy babbling and the way she looks right through me.

Even when we didn't met when we were children. It is like I know Lissa for my whole life. And with the amount of stories we told each other I think that we know every part of the others childhood from the first memory until we met.


	18. Final decision?

**We reacher the 200 review mark! Wooh, party time! I am so thankful for your suport for this story! I enjoy ready your reviews and they brighten my day. **

**Just a small note for my guest reviewer. Because every time that I put something in this story that can possibly jeopardize the relationship between Rose and Dimitri I get those reviews telling me that if I am not going to let them end together that I have no reason to write this story. And I just want to say two things:  
****1\. No one is forcing you to read this story.  
2\. I am a huge Romitri shipper but not a fairytale believer.**

**Sorry for the rambling. Enjoy the chapter!**

Our family dinner with the five of us went well. It was something we hadn't done in a long time and it felt great to do it again. I laughed so hard that I cried and had to run for the bathroom. But we had more serious things to talk about so we ended up in the living room with wine and ice cream. Well, wine for them not for me.

Mia finally told us that she had found someone where she had been happy with for a while now. And not surprising to Lissa and me, she had found a girl. Her name is Camilla and she is a model like Mia is. They had been together for three months before she finally found the guts to tell us about her.

She told us that she signed a model contract but she had to move to California for the job. So she wouldn't only be leaving our apartment. She would be moving to another state. No more evening talks and hanging around on each other couches. And that made me a little sad to realize that she would be so far gone from us.

Jill surprised us by telling us that she would be moving in with another friend of hers. Not with Eddie. And she finally told us that she was saving herself for marriage and that that would be the reason she wouldn't move in with him yet. But that she was hoping that he would propose to her, very soon.

We had always suspected that she was doing that but not really proof to that fact and Jill wasn't the person who talked about her sex life. And the reason became very clear to us when she finally told us. I hoped that Eddie would propose to her soon so she could have her happy ending as well.

Sydney wasn't really a surprise. She was moving in with Adrian in a big house on the outskirts of town. He had a big house for himself and he was happy to share it with Sydney. She would move this weekend and that made her the first one to leave.

But the other news she told us came more to a shock for us. Sydney is pregnant. And she is only twee weeks later than me so we are due around the same time. I was shocked but also very trilled. This way I had someone close to me that was going to the same stuff as me.

I could feel that Lissa was a little jealous. Not that she wasn't happy for Sydney. But I know that she and Christian were trying to get pregnant. And I know that it had been her dream since she was a little kid to be pregnant together with her best friend. So I could understand that it stung a little that she wasn't the one that was pregnant.

But on the other side she was the first one of us that got married. She was the one doing it right. First get married, get a house and then have a baby. Things that Sydney and I didn't do. But Lissa being Lissa hid her feelings and was just happy for Sydney.

She would move into Christian's apartment until they had found a house. And she would be moving her stuff in the beginning of next week. She would be the second person to leave. Making me wonder what I should be doing.

I talked to the other girls about it, wanting to know what their opinions were. But it didn't bring me to a final answer. Jill thought I should move in with him because I was expecting his baby. It was only right for us to be together. And it made me doubt everything even more.

Because Lissa was against it. Not because she wanted us to break up, but because she wanted us to get to know each other better before taking that step. Sydney stood next to Lissa in that opinion. But Mia didn't had an opinion because she could see the reason in both of them. Just like I can.

And so the only thing that is left to do is talking to Dimitri. Because one part of me wants to move in with him with no looking back. But another part of me is insecure about it and I believe that we don't know each other that well.

We all decided to stay at the apartment one last time and so I ended up sleeping alone in my bed. And it made me realize how I was missing Dimitri's arms around me. His strong, big arms that would pull me close to his body and keep me safe through the night. I don't want to sleep another night without his arms around me.

'Roza, are you ready?' Dimitri ask me and as I turn around I see him standing in the doorway. He leaning against the doorframe with his hands folded in front of his chest. I make my way towards him and wrap my arms around his neck.

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against his body. I draw his mouth to mine in a perfect welcoming kiss. His tongue slipping through my parted lips and deepening the kiss. But soon enough I pull back and let my head rest against his.

'We need to talk Dimitri.' I tell him and he pulls back completely. A questioning look on his face.

'I am not sure if I want to move in with you.' I tell him. He let's go off me and takes a step back. Dragging his hands through his hair.

'One day with your friends and you start to question everything?' he says and his voice raising in anger at the end of the question.

'Just let me explain, alright?' I ask him and hold my hands out to him. He nods before letting his hands fall next to his sides.

'Do you still want to come to my house? My family is away for the moment.' he says, trying to stay calm. I nod and turn around. Packing the things I laid out on the bed into a bag.

'Just grabbing some stuff.' I say and give him a smile. Trying to reassure him that it isn't that bad.

* * *

'Tell me why you are doubting Roza. You didn't do that when you woke up yesterday.' Dimitri says as he joins me on his couch. We are both sitting on the opposite sides.

'I talked with Lissa yesterday. And she was right about a couple of things Dimitri. How good do we know each other exactly? Well, my answer. Not as good as we should if we are thinking about living together.' I say. Knowing that I am true about this part.

'We could use the time we spent together to get to know each other.' he says and I shake my head no.

'It is not how is supposed to be.' I tell him.

'Then what do you have in mind?' he asks me and I can see that he is slowly losing his self-control.

'I can still live with my father. And we could use the time until the baby is born to get to know each other. Going on dates and that kind of stuff.' I tell him with a small smile. Already picturing him taking me on romantic dates.

'That is your great solution? Living apart. That is no way to get to know each other Rose. Yes maybe when we hadn't had a baby coming. But we have to do thing a little faster now.' He says and I know that he made a good point with that.

'I just don't want to do things to rushed.' I tell him and fold my hands in my lap.

'You are already pregnant Roza. We can't take things to rushed anymore. We have already done that. So please don't let others put doubt into that beautiful head of yours.' He says and he scoops closer. Taking my hands in his bigger ones.

'But how can you be so sure about this? How can you know that you won't grow tired of me? How do you already know that you want me in your life forever?' I ask him and feel tears coming into my eyes. Hate those hormones.

'I love you my Roza. That is how I know that I want this for the rest of our lives. I fell in love with you when the whole universe was against us. And even after thinking that I lost you for so many years there wasn't a day that I have forgotten about you. Then you stood in front of me in that club, looking more beautiful than I have ever seen you.' He says with a wide smile on his face.

'And I knew that the universe had given me another shot at loving you. I know that I have done things that I shouldn't have done. And things I have been hiding for you when I should have told you. But it only means that we are learning. I would spent my whole life learning every single detail of you if that means that I am allowed to spent the rest of my life next to you.' He says and his lips touch mine in a brief moment.

'I will do everything to prove to you that I mean every single word that I am saying to you milaya. But please don't run out of my life. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you still next to me. I want to be able to see every single chance in your pregnancy.' He finishes his speech and this time tears are rolling over my face.

'I love you Dimitri.' I say and cup his cheeks with my hands. 'I am sorry that this makes me so insecure. Everyone has an opinion about me and us and it feels so rushed that I just want to press a pause button so I can think for a moment.'

'I love you Roza. Will you please move in with me?' he asks me with those puppy eyes of his. Making me chuckle a little.

'Just let me think about it, alright. I will think about what you said Dimitri.' I tell him and stare into his beautiful brown eyes.

'I am really hoping that you will stay with me.' he says before he leans forward and captures my lips with his own. And while I let myself drown into his touch I know that there is no way I could ever leave him again.

Even when things are rushed and going too fast there is no way that this isn't real. He is beside me and will hold my hand through this all. He is mine and I am his. And soon there will be a part of us coming into this world. And his and me will turn fully into us. We will become our own little family.

His tongue traces a line over my bottom lip and I open my lips to let him in. Our tongues fighting for dominance and I pull him closer to me. Moving my legs and our bodies a little so I am able to wrap my arms around his waist. I let myself lean against the couch as he is hovering over me.

'You're beautiful.' He says as he leaves my lips to make a path towards my neck. Setting me on fire and I fist my hands into his hair.

'Dimitri.' I murmur as I try to push him away a little. He his hands grip only tighter on my body as he presses his harder against me. I can feel his excitement pressed against my thigh.

'Please, Dimitri.' I say a little more pleading and he looks up, finally. And the moment he sees me staring at him he pushes himself up on his arms.

'Sorry, I let myself carry away a little.' He says and blushes a little.

'Let's take this upstairs.' I say and smirk at him. I didn't push him away because I didn't want this. I do but I don't want us to get busted on making love to each other.

'Are you sure?' he asks me, trying to hide the hope in his voice. I nod and kiss him again.

'I am sure Dimitri. I want you.' I say and a full smile appears on his face. He stands up a little too quickly and pulls me with him. Before I can make a step he throws me over his shoulder and walks up the stairs.

I laugh and let my hands wander over his back. A clear sight on how his muscles flexing and specially the way his ass moves when he walks. I let my hands go to his fine ass and squeeze a little. Hearing him moan a little before he starts moving even faster.

**M-scene  
**He sets me down on my feet again as he closes the bedroom door. I let my fingers slide over the muscled chest that is in front of me and my eyes stare into his. His eyes are getting darker with lust.

'Someone is excited.' I say and let my hand wander even lower. Palming his hardening member with my hand. He hisses as he leans into the touch. His hands gripping my hips.

'I am always excited for you.' He says with a low and hoarse voice. He lowers his head and start kissing my neck. His hands moving under my shirt and pushing up inch by inch. To slowly. I let go of him and rip my own shirt over my head.

'I guess I am not the only one who is excited.' He says and I shake my head. I let my eyes roam over his body and lick my lips. I want him. I want him so badly. And I want him now.

'Take of your clothes.' I say in a demanding voice. He chuckles before he does as I say. His hands unbuttoning his shirt and letting it slide of his shoulders. It is a mayor turn on to see his muscles flex and I bite my lip while I look at him moving.

'Your pants to.' I say as he stops. He laughs his beautiful laugh but he doesn't disobey me. He lets his pants slide down his hips and legs and he steps out it. Only bending down a little to remove his socks. The tent in his boxer briefs makes a moan escape my lips.

'Your turn.' He whispers in his ear before he sits down on the bed. Looking with a lust filled look at my body. I turn around so I am in good view of him. Opening the buttons of my pants before turning again so I have my back towards him.

I bend down while I let my pants slide down my legs. Giving him a good view on my ass and my lady parts. And even when they are still covered with my panties I know that he can see how aroused I am because of him. The sounds he makes confirms my thoughts and I smirk.

I feel his strong big arms on my thighs and I stand up quickly. Turning around and making my way to him. Straddling him while I devour his lips again. Our kisses frantic and filled with want. His hand moving around my body and he unclasps my bra.

The straps falling of my shoulder and I fling the bra to the other side of the room. His hands cupping them and I moan while I let my head fall backwards. It feels so good. He starts massaging them while pinching the tips. His lips working on my neck.

'I want you Dimitri. I want to feel you inside of me.' I say to him as I push him backwards. Letting my hips ride over his huge bulge. He moans loudly as his hips shoot upwards, making me moan even louder.

He moves us around so he is on top. His hand moving between us and he rips the fabric of my panties of my body. Making a loud gasp leaving my body. It only arouses me more when he is like this. Wanting me just as I want him.

'Fuck me Dimitri. Fuck me hard.' I whisper in his ear and he lets his hips roll over mine. This time I don't want him to make sweet love to me. I want him to take me really hard so I can still feel it when I wake up tomorrow.

'As you wish.' He growls. Pulling his boxer briefs of his body and setting his hard dick free. Suddenly he turns me around so I am on all fours and I whimper a little. Knowing what is about to come.

And I feel him move behind me and setting himself between my legs. His hands gripping on my hips as he pushes himself completely inside of me. He is still gentle and I am grateful for it. I need a little time to let myself adjust to his size.

I move my hips backwards letting him know that I am ready for him. And he starts moving. Setting a hard and frantic pace. Making me moan and whimper while he pushes himself inside of me over and over again. His hand moving around me to rub my aching clit.

It doesn't take long before I feel the waves of my orgasm floating through me and I let myself fall over the edge. He follows me and we let ourselves fall onto the sheets. He quickly rolls of me and collect me into his arms. Holding me close as we try to catch our breaths again.  
**End of M-scene**


	19. Taking steps

It had been a week since they had said their goodbyes to the Belikova woman and watched them as they disappeared towards their airplane. A sad feeling came down on her as she saw those woman, who she had learned to love, leaving already. But so much had happened in those weeks they had stayed with her and Dimitri.

She had been doubting and doubting about where she would live. And she had talked with Dimitri, with Lissa and even with Abe about it. But they had all different opinions and it didn't make choosing easier. Dimitri wanted her to stay with him, live with him and call his house her home.

Lissa's opinion was that she should live with Abe for a couple of months until she would know Dimitri better. Because she still had enough time before the baby was born. But it didn't seemed right in her mind to be so far away from the baby's father.

And Abe, well his opinion was the most surprising. He didn't share the same opinion as Lissa or as Dimitri. He told her that she should get her own place, her own life but giving Dimitri a chance to be in the baby's life.

Because had regretted it her whole life that he hadn't been a part in her life for such a long time. And besides that he told her that the decision he made for leaving Janine was the right one. They had been very young and not ready for a baby together.

So with three different opinions that would lead to three different lives she had been sitting on the edge of the bed she shared with Dimitri with her hands in her hair. Thick treacherous tears leaking out of her eyes until two female arms had wrapped around her.

_Flashback:  
__My head snaps up at the feeling of unfamiliar arms around me. Two brown eyes that look so much of Dimitri's looking at me. The woman has a soft smile on her face as she held me even tighter. And in that moment I bury my head on the woman's shoulder and cry._

_'__Hush, my child. Don't cry.' Olena says as she rocks us both in a soothing way. I let out a loud sob and try to pull myself back together. With teary eyes and running the back of my hand against my nose I look in her eyes again. _

_'__I'm sorry.' I mumble and look away from Olena. Here I am sitting, crying in the arms of Dimitri's mother. _

_'__Don't be silly, my child. I have three daughters already and they have all been sitting here crying on my shoulder over something. So just tell me why you are crying.' She says and nudges me a little with her hand. I feel a smile forming on my face at her words. They are kind and soothing and welcoming. _

_'__I don't know where I should live and everyone has an opinion about it. And everyone wants me to do what they want me to do. But I don't know what I want and I don't know what is right. I feel like a mess at the moment.' I tell her and feel myself safe enough to say the truth. _

_'__You shouldn't be listening to others, you should be listening to yourself.' She says with that motherly smile of hers. And I scowl at her words._

_'__It isn't that easy.' I say and she laughs. _

_'__Of course it isn't. They never are.' She says as she pulls me up and makes me follow her. She makes me sit down on the kitchen table as she moves around the kitchen. She sets a cup of tea in front of me and sits down on the opposite side of me. _

_'__Just lets go back to the beginning alright?' She asks and I nod. That sounds like the reasonable thing to do. But I have no idea what the beginning is when it comes to this mess in my head. _

_'__Do you want to have this baby?' she asks and I my mouth drops open from her question. If is want this baby? What kind of question is that? It isn't like I have a choice right?_

_'__Think about it Roza. You are just over the two months and you are still able to get an abortion. Or you could give up the child for adoption. You have choices on that part.' She says and I know she is right and I think about it for the first time. _

_I could make an appointment and have this baby removed out of my belly. But it feels wrong. It might be so short that I know about her or him but the baby already feels like a part of me. Like it is right and maybe it is. Because of the cancer I had there was only a small chance for me to get pregnant._

_So against all odds I got pregnant. Abortion isn't a choice for me. Than the second thing, adoption. Carrying this child for nine months and giving birth to the child only to give it up? I know that woman do it and I have respect for them. But I don't see the reasons to give my baby up. No, I do want this baby. _

_'__I want to have this baby.' I say and lay one of my hands on my belly. Maybe reassuring myself that I am indeed pregnant, I don't know but it feels right. Olena nods and thinks for a moment. _

_'__Do you want to have Dimitri in the baby's life?' she asks, hiding the question underneath it. Do I want him in the life of the baby? That is an easy one._

_'__I want Dimitri in the baby's life.' I say because that is the only way for me. I didn't had my father in my life for a long time so when Dimitri wants to be in the life of my baby I won't deny him that. _

_'__Good.' She says with a smile. 'Do you love Dimitri?' _

_'__Yes, I love him very much.' I say with a smile on my face. It is true, I love him so much. He has been my first love and I hope that he will be my last. _

_'__Than what is stopping you from moving in with him?' she asks with a wide smile. And I guess that she is right about that. What is holding me? But then I remember Tasha and I know what is stopping me. _

_'__I am afraid that I don't know him well enough.' I say, so softly it doesn't come above a whisper. My eyes on the table as the words escape my mouth. _

_'__Oh sweetheart. You do him well enough. Dimitri is overprotective over the ones he loves even when they are able to take care of themselves. He should have told you about Tasha sooner but he meant it well. Tasha isn't a nice person and it was for the best that she didn't knew about you.' She says and as I look up it is the first time I see anger on the woman's face. _

_'__Dimitri always sees the best in people and so he saw the best in Tasha. We still don't know what he saw but he determined that she was the one for him. So we supported him in his wishes but when the time came that he wanted to come to America and become a doctor we all knew that Tasha wasn't the one for him.'_

_'__She was holding him in Russia only for herself. If Yeva hadn't been there he would never come here and lived his life the way he wanted it. She kicked him into that plane with a smug smile on her face telling him that it was his destiny to move here.'_

_'__In the time that he was here and she was in Russia she has cheated on him to many times to count. The first time we told him but after a while it would only sound like we wanted them to break up. So we sat and watched until it would go wrong.' _

_'__And it may sound wrong but we were so happy that it went wrong and that they broke up. He wasn't meant to be with Tasha and he finally saw that. So Roza don't be doubting him or your relationship. He loves you very much and we are all hoping that you are the one for him.' She finishes her speech and grasps my hand in hers. _

_It feels good to hear it from her. Dimitri told me about her and I know that he was honest about it. But getting the story from someone else makes it feels even better. It lifts the weight that was pressing on my shoulders. _

_'__I don't think that you know everything about him that there is to learn. But he doesn't know everything that he needs to learn about you. Believe me when I tell you that there won't be more shocking secrets like Tasha coming from him.' She says as she squeezes one last time before leaving me sitting alone at the kitchen table.  
__End of flashback._

It was after the talk with Olena that I finally could make my own decision. And I finally decided that I was going to move in with Dimitri. That I wanted to be with him in every possible way and that I could doubting about everything but it wouldn't make things better.

I told him about my decision that same night and he just picked me up and twirled me around and around. He laughed his beautiful laugh and peppered me with kisses. And after that he showed me how much he loved it that I was moving in with him.

Within a week we had moved all my stuff into his house and brought the furniture that I didn't need any more to a thrift shop. He had made space in his closet so I could put my clothes together with his. Finding out that we still hadn't enough space for all our clothes. Well, my clothes.

It is how we ended up buying new furniture for his house. Replacing a couple of things or buying extra of them. It felt more and more like it became my home. And with placing the frames with pictures around his house made me realize that this is my home.

I let out a happy sigh as I realize that I am finally happier with my life. This way I only need to find myself a job again and things would be perfect. And after a moment I open my eyes and welcome a new day. Stepping out of the bed and walking into the shower.

Dimitri had a night shift and he can come home any minute now. I hope that I am still in time to make him breakfast. Olena taught me how to make pancakes and how to prepare and omelet. It took a little time but I finally managed it.

I wash my hair and my body and let my hands rest on my stomach. Only a couple more weeks until I am three months pregnant and we have our next scan. The last one was two weeks after that horrible night. And it reassured us that the baby was fine and there was no sign of coming troubles.

There was no baby bum yet but I had the feeling that when I traced my hands over my stomach that I could feel it. But maybe I was a little to obsessed with it and started to imagine things. I can't wait until the first trimester is over. I am sick of the morning sickness and the tired feeling I always have.

A cool breeze informs me of his presence before he wraps his big strong arms around me. Pressing a hard kiss to my shoulder before nuzzling into my neck.

'No sex in the shower.' I warn him as I lay my hands on his hands. But the way he grips me tighter and the way his body is trembling removes my teasing mood into a worried one. I turn around in his arms and cup his cheeks with my hands.

His whole body is trembling as tears are streaming over his cheeks. Eyes already red rimmed and he looks tired. I pull him towards me and let him bury his head in my neck. I rub over his back as I make soothing sounds.

'We lost a child. A boy, only two years old. He needed a donor heart and would receive it in only three more hours. It came too late and there was nothing we could do for him. We fought for him the entire night but in the end we had to let him go.' He says between sobs and I hold him even tighter to my own body.

I know how hard the lost can be from a patient. They are all worse but those where you have been fighting for so many hours with no luck are the worst. You are drained and empty after those ones and the only thing that will help you is the feeling of the ones you love around you.

'What can I do for you?' I ask him as his sobs becomes silent and his breathing becomes more even. He doesn't let go of me but his grip becomes a little looser.

'Promise me that you will never leave me Roza. Promise me that you will be mine forever.' He says as he pulls back enough to look me in the eyes.

'I promise you that I won't leave you Dimitri.' I tell him.

'Marry me milaya.' He says and I let my arms fall back besides my body. Marry him? So soon. I am not ready for that. I can't. I won't.

'Don't be scared now love. I will love you forever and I hope that you will love me forever.' He says and I nod, I will love him forever. 'So why don't we make it official. Making you mine forever.'

I take in a deep breath while I let his words sink in. We have been together for only a short time, I don't know if marriage is the right thing to do. But on the other hand we haven't done other things the normal way. And suddenly the answer seems so clear to me.


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue  
**'Just one more push Rose.' the doctor announce and I make myself ready. Gripping Dimitri's hand a little tighter and pushing my feet deeper in the braces. And with the next contraction I push a little harder and give everything I have.

The loud crying of my baby fills the room and makes tears form in my eyes. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I look at Dimitri who is looking back at me with tears in his own eyes. He moves so he can be the one who cuts the navel cord before he is back to my side.

The nurse has taken our little baby to clean him up a little. I let myself lean back into the pillows with a content smile. After a labor of eighteen hours our little boy is finally born. Dimitri presses a kiss to my forehead before he looks into my eyes again.

'I am so proud of you Roza.' He says and I smile a little wider. It is the best he can say at that moment. I let him go so he can follow the nurse who is taking care of our newborn son. And I watch him the entire time while the doctor is taking care of the afterbirth.

Dimitri is hovering over the nurse and our son. A happy smile on his face even when he is looking tired. He has stayed up with me since my labor started in the middle of the night. The nurse places our son in Dimitri arms and he makes his way to me.

As he looks at me his eyes are shining with love and pride. It was something that Dimitri had always dreamt of, becoming a father. He places our son carefully in my arms and it is the first time that I can have a perfect look of our son. His face is a little wrinkled but he is the most beautiful baby boy that I have ever seen.

'Say hallo to Joshua.' Dimitri murmurs before placing a kiss to my temple. This is the best moment in my life and I haven't been happier before. I have a perfect son and a perfect fiancée. There is nothing that could take this all away from me.

After the nurses cleaned me up they brought me to a private room with a clean bed. Joshua is lying in a small baby bed next to my bed. And Dimitri is fast asleep in an extra bed they have put in the room specially for him. In that moment I can only think about how lucky I am.

Dimitri asked me to marry him and I told him yes. There was a part of me that told me that I should've told him no. But live is short and I love him and we were expecting. But I also told him that I wanted to wait until the baby was born. No way that I was putting on a wedding dress with a big belly.

Dimitri helped me with looking for a new job and with a miracle I found a job. I am now working at one of the nursing wards in the same hospital I used to work, the same hospital Dimitri is working. And after my maternity leave I can stay there.

I didn't lose any blood during the pregnancy and that was a huge relief. It made me wake up in the night from the nightmares that I would lose the baby. But with every doctor's appointment and every echo the baby looked healthy and normal.

When I was four months pregnant Dimitri couldn't go more than a few feet away from me. I was clingy and I wanted him around every move I made. And then there was this part that he only needed to place a hand on my leg and I would jump him. I would rip his clothes of his body and have my way with him. The hormones couldn't be controlled.

During my fifth month I was showing more and more and I didn't liked it at first. I hated the way my body was looking. My stomach was getting bigger and also my breasts were growing even more. I wore Dimitri's shirts more than I wore my own clothes. And it took Dimitri one beautiful night to show me how much he loved the way my body looked.

And with the echo in our fifth month we finally were told that we were having a baby boy. Dimitri was so happy to hear that he would have a son. And it made me even happier to see how happy he was with the future we would have.

During the six months we finally sat down for another talk. But this talk was all about the baby. We talked about the way we wanted to raise the baby. And knowing that we would have to find out about a lot during the way we wanted to be on the same page.

When the seventh month came around and I finally got into the third trimester we began to decorate the nursery. The walls became a light blue since it would be a boy. A dark brown crib and the changing table and closet would be the same color. And the last addition to the room was the rocker that we placed in the corner.

In my eight month Lissa held me a baby shower. And I received more clothes and stuff for the baby than he would ever need. I had hated the thought of having a baby shower but the day turned out to be a lot of fun. Everyone that meant something to us were there and we talked and laughed until I was so tired that I fell asleep leaning against Dimitri.

My due date rolled around and the baby was still not coming. He was very content in my stomach but I really had enough of being pregnant. I wanted to welcome our son into this world and see his cute little face for the first time.

Two days before our planned labor he finally came. I had been restless during the whole day and when I got to bed I couldn't find a good sleeping position. And when I finally was falling asleep Dimitri woke me up again because the bed was becoming wet. My water broke and Joshua was finally coming.

Dimitri had panicked a little and was ready to pick me up and put me in the car to drive me all the way to the hospital. But I had stopped him. Telling him that there was no point in going to the hospital. We had to wait until the contractions were coming a little faster.

He helped me showering and putting clean clothes on my body. He rubbed my back when I was lying down and walked with me when I needed to walk. And when I finally told him we should go to the hospital he almost forgot me and the baby bag.

But we finally got to the hospital and even there we needed to wait a couple hours before I could start to push. I declined the epidural. I wanted to have a natural birth and besides that I really hated needles.

Dimitri was loving and patient during the whole labor. He did everything he could to make me feel comfortable but he knew that he couldn't succeed in doing that the whole time. He ignored my cursing and hateful words towards him. Because he knew that I would love him again the moment the baby was out of me.

The crying of Joshua helps me out of my thoughts and I look down on him. His little nose is wrinkled and his mouth is wide open. Oh, my poor baby. I move myself a little higher in the bed, feeling how sore my body still is and try to reach for him.

'What is wrong?' Dimitri asks as he sits up. He looks from me to Joshua and is up in seconds to hand Joshua to me. He calms down a little but he isn't happy either. And I have no idea what is wrong with my son.

'Maybe he is hungry.' Dimitri says as his fingers go over Joshua's head. I nod and give Joshua back to Dimitri. Moving my clothes so my breast is free and taking Joshua back into my arms. But as I look at him I have no idea how I am going to make him attach to my nipple.

'Can you help me?' I ask Dimitri as I look at him pleadingly. He nods as he sits down on the edge of the bed. With Dimitri's help he finally starts drinking and I look at my son in awe.

'We should definitely have more babies.' Dimitri says as he watches us and I give him a sharp look.

'You should at least wait until my body stops hurting before you even mention it.' I warn him and he chuckles. He leans closer and he kisses me softly, making sure that he doesn't crush Joshua between us.

'Thank you for giving me this Roza.' He says and I see the way he looks at me like I am the best thing that happened to him. And I smile at him before leaning into his kiss again.

'I love you.' I whisper to him. Wanting to cup his cheek but needing both of my hands to steady the baby.

'I love you Roza.' He says. 'And I love you Joshua.'

He leans in to kiss me again and after that he leans down to press a kiss on Joshua's head. This is our own little family. Me, Dimitri and our perfect son Joshua.

**I want to thank every single one of you who has read my story and those who have reviewed and supported me with their kind words! I understand that this ending may come a little abrupt but I had the feeling that their story was told and it felt better to end it with this chapter than to continue with chapters only to drag this story on. **

**\- Lisa**


End file.
